Clarity

As mentioned in my last blog post, I’ve been having a hard time deciding where my life is headed…then a bit of clarity set in:

My alarm went off at 5:45am in anticipation of having a third interview with a school in Seattle.  It wasn’t an ideal job or an ideal place because of its proximity from my family, but it was a job something I am in need of.  While waiting for Skype to ring, I opened up my email and lo-and-behold there was an email from my ex-boyfriend—yes, the boyfriend whom I’d fallen in love with, had ideas of future grandeur, and dreamed would email me someday.  There it was, unopened, but full of possibilities.  Maybe he was emailing to say he was getting married to someone else, maybe he was emailing to say he wanted to marry me, maybe he just wanted to check in on me.  The latter proved true (or at least I think so…) and I responded normally, acting as if my heart wasn’t beating out of my chest and as if I didn’t draft the first email begging him to take me back.

6 o’clock rolled around and I continued a conversation I’d been having for a few weeks when the final question was asked: Are you still interested in this position?  Unbeknownst to my conscious mind, the answer came out of my mouth without hesitation, “I think the school is great, and the position would be great, but I’m not sure Seattle is for me.  I really want to be close to my family and that flight is just too far…but I love your school.”  The last bit quickly escapes in a bit of a panic.  Even though it’s not the answer she probably wanted to hear, it was the honest truth.  Though my hopes did get raised with the email I’d opened 15 minutes earlier, it played no part in my answer…I promise!

On my way to school, I began reading a yoga magazine I’d picked up from the studio and it featured a few articles about yoga in schools.  That bubbling feeling you get when something is exciting emerged and it made me start thinking about how wonderful it would be to be a yoga teacher and that maybe in the fall I could do yoga teacher training instead of elementary school teaching. 

Later in the day I received a reply to my ex-email asking for a Skype session.  And while I was sure he wasn’t going to ask for my hand in marriage over Skype, I was eager to hear what he’d have to say.  This enthusiasm bubbled over to me perusing the internet for yoga teacher training; first in Chicago, then opportunities in Spain and Greece came up—how amazing would that be?! 

After my answer to the Seattle’s school question and my profoundly good day, the clarity set in about what I want to do when I get back to the States.  Maybe someday I’ll go back to teaching, but this school year I’m going to sit it out; I’m going to find out what else can make me happy.  I need to take this chance and try it out…it certainly is scary as hell to not have a plan, especially for my Type A personality, but I’m psyched about what else is out there.

Since then, I’ve been offered the Seattle job and turned it down; had a Skype date with my ex-boyfriend and, no, there is no proverbial ring on my finger, but we had a nice time catching up; and I started the search for yoga training institutes in the US.  My life is going to work out, even if it isn’t what I’d planned.

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