I have so many great, wonderful things in my life that make me happy: my family, my job, living in Chicago, new friends and old, a past to be proud of, but I still feel a tinge of unhappiness or sadness, like I’m missing something. As if all of the puzzle pieces but one are there; I’m incomplete. And this one missing piece is the final key to happiness. I’ve looked in small towns, across the world in big cities, on yoga retreats, and on the streets of Chicago. What am I searching for? Is it love and companionship? Is that what’s missing from the puzzle? If so, I can’t wait around for it; I need to start being happy without it. And then when it arrives, I’ll know how to be my true self, my genuinely happy self with that person and not because of that person.
This means that I need to start a happiness project of my own. How can I become this truly happy person that I deserve to be? First, I think I need to start partaking in activities that I find fun, pleasing, and relaxing. So, find/start a book club, join a yoga studio, start meditating, take ballet classes again, and cooking more at home are all New Years’ resolutions. I also need to find my Sassy Hong Kong. I’m jonesing to get writing again and to see my name in print. Yoga, of course, is important to me, too, so I want to start looking for teaching jobs. I had a lead the other day that I’m excited to see where it may go.
Next, I need to make new friends. I’ve been lucky to meet some great girls in the city so far, but I need more great people in my life. Whether that means going to more meetup groups by myself, talking to more people in social settings, or meeting friends of friends, I need to get myself out there. This includes dating. In the modern day and at 29 years old, I think dating is a fun part of life that doesn’t necessarily mean love, but the chance to try new things and meet new people.
Lastly and probably most importantly, I need to learn to let go. Relax. Stop being a control freak. Stop judging others and worry about me. Chill the f*ck out. My new (but learned long ago) trick is every time a negative thought crosses my mind, a positive one needs to follow it. For example, my roommate left a nasty note the other day. Instead of responding, I simply threw it in the garbage, and every time her rude comments flitted back to my mind, I told myself, “It doesn’t matter, it was just a note.” I didn’t talk about it to other people, and didn’t fret over it. Now, I don’t care about it. This is where meditation and yoga come into my life more often. I’m also hoping it’ll help me be nicer to people, especially my mom (there’s another New Year’s resolution).
I’m not much for resolutions, never really made them before. So here’s to sticking to a plan and becoming happy. Cheers!