Alright, I’ll admit it: I went back to the online dating world. Yes, I promised to multiple of you that I’d “take a break” and “see what came my way” and “wouldn’t try so hard”…well that all went out the window on a bored Friday afternoon at work. There I was writing 12 essays for my annual review and my eyes started to glaze over, my brain started to go numb; I had to entertain myself! And what better entertainment than a bunch of goofs on the Internet looking for love?? So I downloaded the phone app called Plenty of Fish and started fishing for dates. Bonus: got a guy’s number within 5 hours of being on the site. Bonus 2: A Top Ten List of things I already hate about online dating from the mere 36 hours I’ve been on. Enjoy!
- Selfies – Why are there so many pictures of you by yourself with your outstretched arm framing the side of the pic and a sourpuss smirk? And why are there twelve pictures with the same facial expression and the same arm on your profile? Yes, I’m talking to you dark15672, latin0, and 345,000 others. Why why why?!
- Only saying “hi” – I realize that out in the real world, the first thing you say to a person is “hi”, but this ain’t the real world, honey. You have an entire profile’s worth of material to work from and all you can say is, “hi” (maybe a winky face next to it to make it even more genuine)?!? Try harder. Next!
- Copying and pasting – I’m just as lazy as the next guy, but when I can clearly tell that you’ve held down your finger, pressed copy, got to my message, held down your finger again for paste that’s pure laziness. Shit, I’ve even been called Sheila these dudes are so lazy! See gripe #2 – read first, then respond.
- Outright asking for sex – This site is called “Plenty of Fish”, not “Plenty of Hoebags”. Done.
- i instead of I – It’s not hard to hold down the smart-phone-version-of-a-Shift-key. Do it and do it often…like every time you’re talking about yourself.
- Bad grammar – I wrote a whole blog about being the grammar police the last time around. Read it here : )
- Pictures of your guns – Don’t mind seeing your muscles, but I do have a real problem with pictures of guns, knives, nunchucks, and brass knuckles. Kudos to you for being in the military or a police officer, but when you only have 5 spots for a picture, you choosing weapons is scary to me. Next!
- Pictures of your dogs – Seriously, dogs and puppies = so cute! Again, 5 picture spots and 3 are of your dogs (and not you)…hmmm are you hiding something?
- Pictures of you at the gym – You’re swoll, awesome. Well I’m really good at reading, but I don’t have a picture of me with my Nook. I’m also a yoga instructor, but you don’t see me doing Downward Facing Dog on my profile.
- Pictures of you with your (ex)girlfriend – Baggage should not be something you brag about on POF. Your smile might be awesome in the pic, but it’s probably because you’re. next. to. your. girlfriend. Figure out the “crop” function on your smart phone, please, before posting.
Now, do you think I can post a link to this blog posting on my POF profile so that dudes with any of the above WON’T contact me?? Sigh…