There’s this little thing called trust that I don’t always do very well. I trust my family and I trust my friends, but I have a really, really hard time trusting guys. The last three guys I dated were liars, told me one thing to please me, then did another thing that I might not like. When I learned the truth, not only did it piss me off, it made me leery to open myself up again. Even when I thought I’d met a prince, he was two-faced. And with one confirmed cheater and one probable cheater in my rearview mirror, my ability to trust men is slim. 

When I meet a great guy, I really would love to erase my past in order to erase the distrust so I can give him the benefit of the doubt, but history tells me that people can lie. “I’m playing poker with the guys” could mean “I have a date with some other girl.” Or “I’m really sleepy” could really just be his subtle way of saying he doesn’t want to see me. 

So how do I kick the habit of jumping to conclusions? How do I learn to trust again? Will I know when I’ve found the right guy? Jealousy and distrust sabotage relationships, so I need to figure this out before I ruin what could be a good thing. 

I was watching a documentary recently about a woman searching for love and I really liked a line from it: “Let go. You can’t control love.” It’s rather apropos given where my head can get when I meet someone new. I can’t control the guy; I can’t control what he does or how he feels. I can’t even control how I feel. But, I can let myself be happy and that’s really all I can ask for.

I have post-its on my computer and notes in my phone with quotes that I really like. Here’s another great one from Mr. Bob Marley: “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”