Using my wily online dating skills, I met a guy in December. We hit it off and have been dating ever since. With him, I tried the casual approach – not freaking out when he didn’t text me at 8am sharp, seeing him occasionally and letting the wedding balls start to ring only in the very distant recesses of my brain. It seemed to be working for me, this not in-your-face, “please love me right now” tactic. 

But then last week I asked the question on every girl’s brain when she meets a rad dude: Where do you see this going? I promise you that I was cool and collected when I brought it up, “Just curious if you see this turning into something…someday…ya know, when it gets there.” He shed his usual sarcasm and honestly told me that he did like spending time with me, but that someday he probably wanted to try living somewhere else so it wasn’t in the forefront of his mind to be in a serious, committed relationship.

I appreciate his honesty, but him saying that puts a definite kink in the plan. I don’t date people just to date them – it’s a waste of time – I date people to find out if they’re marriage material. And, yes, I did just clearly state three paragraphs away that I was taking this one casually, but it’s in the back of nearly every single girl’s mind when she meets someone – is he Mr. Right Now or Mr. Forever? I’m 30 years old, I don’t have time to waste on guys who aren’t worth it. I want to be married and have a baby so badly that even when I see pictures of babies, I start to get a bit misty-eyed. 

Since this conversation, the guy has seemed distant. Maybe I’m making things up, but my instincts are kicking in that something is awry. I had a similar feeling with another dude that I met online (there’s a trend, I know) in November and there was instant chemistry. We talked every day, we saw each other often, and I thought all was going swimmingly. So, I bring up the, “Where do you see this going” talk and asked if he thought it was a good idea to just see each other. He agreed – willingly – no water boarding or gun-to-the-head was involved.

When he left after the “talk,” I had a sinking feeling – similar to the one I have right now. I’d done something wrong. Something wasn’t right. But I was. He never again contacted me. Ever. I mean a month of talking constantly turned into cold hard silence. I gave up after three texts and a few fitful nights of sleep.

You’ve heard my two stories, now answer me this: Am I cursed? Or am I an idiot for scaring the living hell out of guys by asking them where they see our future going? Okay, maybe I am an idiot, but I’ve lasted a full month or two months before having the talk (and, by the way, it’s not even the talk of “let me call you my boyfriend” which is much scarier in my mind). I’ve pushed back my every instinct after date 2 to stake my claim, so why can’t guys push back their fear and just be honest?

If guys don’t want to be in a relationship, why do they date at all? Yes, sex and someone to keep them warm on a cold winter’s night, I get that. But, haven’t they learned that most girls have dreams of more than hand-holding next to the heater? And this begs the question: Why don’t they want that, too?

I may never figure out the psyche of a man, so instead of beating my head against the wall every time I get a “Rejected” stamp across my forehead, I’m going to pick up my proverbial boot straps and keep on going.

Important note: As of the publication of this post, I’m still supposed to see my guy today, so it isn’t over yet, but the “something’s up” feeling persists. It ain’t over yet, and let’s hope that my gut is wrong and it was just the Chinese food we ordered on Friday.