The Heart of the Heart

Recently, I met a boy. Huge shocker that I’m writing about it, yes, I know. This time, though, something different has happened. Our first date was pretty great; we met for drinks and stayed until the bar closed. Both of us knew – because we both said it out loud later – that the chemistry between us was unlike something we’d felt in a long time. And I don’t mean just physical chemistry. I mean the kind of chemistry that when he would talk, I would listen; he would get my full attention; we didn’t need phones or drinks or anything else to make the conversation work with ease.

I’ve written before about what I’m looking for in a mate, and after multiple years and multiple dating articles both read and written, I think my former list was rather shallow. Or maybe instead of shallow, it was incomplete. It didn’t get to the heart of the heart.

What really matters are values. After doing some thinking, here’s the original list + the new (and probably incomplete) extension of what I’m looking for in a partner:

  1. Attractive
  2. Chemistry
  3. Affable
  4. Good sense or humor
  5. Cultured
  6. Values education
  7. Wants a family
  8. Values his family and friends 
  9. Gives back to his community
  10. Independent
  11. Likes to try new things
  12. Cares about the environment and the rest of the world – someone who thinks greater than themselves

This boy, let’s call him Cinco, fits *almost* everything on this list.

One thing on this list, though, isn’t true about him. I want a family. Cinco does not. This whole having kids thing is a non-negotiable item for me. I’m here on this earth to help children. Yes, I do it at work and with volunteering, but it’s not the same and it’s not enough.

What do I do now? I have a person that makes my heart go pitter patter (in the words of my mother). He fits everything I want in a man, life partner, etc. except for this really giant, super important part of my being. Somehow it feels bigger than 1 piece of the puzzle that I call life.

What do I do now? I can’t change him. I can’t hope that he will change his mind the more I like him. So, is it better to let the fish off the hook now in hopes that I’ll find another man that actually fits the *whole* bill? {Not so secret worry of every single woman I know: And what if that man never appears…}

Is it possible, instead, to keep living my life and have the kids I wanna have (Have I told you yet that I’m thinking about becoming a foster parent? That’s a story for another day, my friends) and when the kiddos start rolling in, he then chooses to be a part of it or not?

I almost feel as if the universe is being unfair. I was bombarded by my exes (3 of which made it into one of my last blog posts + TWO MORE who came out of the woodwork). I’ve been on so many meh and horrible dates. I’ve met many men that I’ve liked much more than they’ve liked me and vice versa. So, now, when it seems as if I’ve met a person that  likes me as much as I like him (plus isn’t an ex, meh, or horrible), he has something “wrong” with him. But, like, this really giant important piece that may not be wrong to him, but is quite important to me.

How do I say no to someone who seems so great, yet doesn’t have it all? 


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