Whenever I dream of a guy I used to date, I always dream of my college boyfriend. There are very few things I could tell you about him, but I can tell you the way he made me feel – delectably happy. Simply, we were in love. I haven’t felt that way since him and I think I’ve always been searching for it, hence why I’m rightfully so picky. I’ve dreamt about my college sweetheart ever since we broke up. Usually faceless images of him pop into my sleepy thoughts, like a ghost haunting me, reminding me to not give up on what I deserve. Not once have I had a dream about any other ex so are my dreams telling me something? I’m not spiritual in any way, but maybe my dreams are giving me signs to stay on the right path to love so I can again be happy, genuinely happy in a relationship.
This boy would randomly bring me flowers, he’d leave me love notes, we talked constantly and, while we had our fights as couples do, we were generally blissful. I don’t want to date him again (he’s married anyway), but I want to feel that way again. We made some regrettable decisions when we were together (i.e. I have no friends from college because I spent ALL of my waking moments eating, breathing and sleeping him), but I was happy, genuinely happy.
Why, then, have I ever settled for anything less? I’ve subjected my heart to trauma since that relationship ended – cheaters, liars, jerks, commitment-phobes, you name it – all on the search for *that* feeling. I had a taste of how delicious being in love could be, and I’m determined to savor it again.