A Social Experiment

If you’ve read one blog post or you’re an avid newcitylifeadventure.tumblr.com reader, you’ve most likely noticed that my dating life is dismal. I try, I really do, to take advantage of every situation where I can meet interesting and different people; I’ve tried the likes of OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, speed dating, speed friending, Grouper, meeting guys at the bar, etc. all of which have given me disaster after disaster. Is it me? I am the common denominator in all of these situations. So instead of taking matters into my own hands, I decided to put matters into the hands of my bestie, Kira. Here’s how it went down:

I bought a month’s worth of match.com and asked Kira to essentially “be Ashley” for the month. I made my own profile complete with my pictures, my answers to questions, and information all about me. My username and password were then forwarded to Kira who did the searching, the “winking”, the chatting, the messaging, and the vetting. When it came time to exchange numbers, I went online and reviewed: was he someone with whom I wanted to go on a date? Once my phone number was given, the rest of the work came back to me. Within this month, I went on first dates with four guys, second dates with three of them, and a handful of dates with one of the original four. There was no love story in the end, but I did learn a thing or two about dating multiple people at the same time and not getting too eager about one nice guy.

I asked Kira to share her experience for this post:

AC: Why did you decide to take on the task of “being Ashley”?

Kira: It wasn’t so much that I wanted to be you as that I wanted you to help you get out of your own way. I know your dating history and tendencies and I knew that if you were left to your own devices, you wouldn’t take full advantage of all of the available opportunities.

AC: On a scale of 1-10, how do you think the social experiment turned out? Why?

K: Do I have to pick a number? I mean, I think you’ve gotten to meet a lot of guys and you’ve gotten a lot of free drinks, but it’s a work in progress. I feel like you’re starting to see the value of not trying to push monogamy too early, so that’s a win!

AC: Do you think that this month was a success?

K: Again, I think it’s a work in progress. Like with 40 Days of Dating, I would’ve liked to see more of a concrete success (like, yay they fell in love and they’re getting married!), but you still have opportunities floating around out there and you maybe learned some things that will help you along the way. And again, you got to meet a lot of nice guys.

AC: What did your husband think of the experiment?

K: I’m pretty sure he was a bit taken aback the first time he saw me cruising through match.com but he is used to a little ridiculousness from me, and he was always happy to weigh in with his opinions on who was the “right” kind of guy. 

AC: Approximately how much time did you spend on Match?

K: It varied quite a bit from week to week. In the beginning, I dedicated a few hours to just looking at profiles and trying to wink or send emails to guys I thought would be a good fit. I also spent more time reading and responding to contacts from guys. Then there was just general maintenance – keeping up with the guys I thought would be a good fit, and then if things slowed down, I would go out and try and dig up some more interesting matches. I probably spent 10-15 hours on the website or app over the course of the month.

AC: Would you recommend this to other people who are having difficulties finding a perfect match?

K: If they have a friend who they trust and they don’t take themselves too seriously, why not?

AC: Would you do it again?

K: Sure!

AC: Did you enjoy yourself and have fun?

K: The whole process had its moments.

AC: Were there any added benefits to the experience?

K: It reminded me how fun and horrible dating can be.

AC: Anything else you want to add here?

K: If you know any great single guys, send them Ashley’s way!

I’ll share my take on the whole month in a later blog post, but a big thanks to Kira for being my wingwoman for a month and for sharing about her experience xoxo

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