Without revealing the whole gory story, all I’ll say is that the person who once told me that he could see me being his wife and I have broken up. 

Here are the top 7 things I hate about break ups:

1. Having your heart taken out, shaken around, and then clumsily placed back inside. Good luck functioning in real life for the next few weeks, Ash.

2. Not being able to eat sucks. I love food – even if I am picky – and feeling like I’d rather throw up than eat is downright awful.

3. I also really like sleep which has been eluding me for a while. 

4. My life plan that I mapped out with someone is now shredded up and thrown out the window. I always have my own plan, but that whole moving in, marriage, kids thing is adios. 

5. Dating again. Goddamn do I hate dating. I loathe the idea of finding new people to try out. First dates are hell. Opening myself up to the potential of more heartbreak is terrifying. Now it’s back to checking out every attractive guy’s left hand again…you know, just in case. 

6. Losing my companion will be particularly hard. I moved to Chicago without knowing many people. I met heartbreaker and he became my social life. What the hell do I do every Saturday night now?!?! FML

7. I also disdain the idea that everyone feels bad for me. No sympathy please. (And no questions either…) But please do pass my phone number along so OKCupid is not my next option. Gah, I hate dating (did you see #5??)