There’s this little thing called trust that I don’t always do very well. I trust my family and I trust my friends, but I have a really, really hard time trusting guys. The last three guys I dated were liars, told me one thing to please me, then did another thing that I might not like. When I learned the truth, not only did it piss me off, it made me leery to open myself up again. Even when I thought I’d met a prince, he was two-faced. And with one confirmed cheater and one probable cheater in my rearview mirror, my ability to trust men is slim. 

When I meet a great guy, I really would love to erase my past in order to erase the distrust so I can give him the benefit of the doubt, but history tells me that people can lie. “I’m playing poker with the guys” could mean “I have a date with some other girl.” Or “I’m really sleepy” could really just be his subtle way of saying he doesn’t want to see me. 

So how do I kick the habit of jumping to conclusions? How do I learn to trust again? Will I know when I’ve found the right guy? Jealousy and distrust sabotage relationships, so I need to figure this out before I ruin what could be a good thing. 

I was watching a documentary recently about a woman searching for love and I really liked a line from it: “Let go. You can’t control love.” It’s rather apropos given where my head can get when I meet someone new. I can’t control the guy; I can’t control what he does or how he feels. I can’t even control how I feel. But, I can let myself be happy and that’s really all I can ask for.

I have post-its on my computer and notes in my phone with quotes that I really like. Here’s another great one from Mr. Bob Marley: “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

I joined the online dating site, Plenty of Fish, a mere 2 days before going on my first date. 24 hours later, date #2 did a whirlwind in and out. Date #3…well date #3 has turned into a whole lot more dates. Here’s the dish:

Sunday, Date 1: Nice guy, lots of money (not that I care in the least about money, but he drove a pretty sweet ride), fairly good chat. Would’ve probably seen him again, but POF was blowing up my phone so I definitely had the potential to meet someone more up my alley. To be fair to guys like this, I’ve decided it’s best to be honest about the fact that there isn’t a romantic connection. It’s not the easiest text in the world to send, but it beats the constant “Good morning, beautiful” texts I got when I said nothing at all. Some guys just don’t get the hint.

Monday, Date 2: Got tipsy, ate some crappy pasta, and listened to a ridiculously smart guy tell me about all of his college degrees and the 45 medical clinics in Africa that he built. One word = smug. In 11 words = I wanted to pull my hair out and then punch him. In the middle of me sharing my “life story,” he clasped his hands together and said, “Let me tell you about me…” Uhhh, sure, dude, go for it. Check, please! P.S. I wrote this in the bathroom in the middle of the date haha

Tuesday, Date 3: This guy has turned into dates 4, 5, 6, and 7. I’d say POF has done me good. And, yes, those are all of the details you’re privy to at this point. Stay tuned…if you’re lucky.

Alright, I’ll admit it: I went back to the online dating world. Yes, I promised to multiple of you that I’d “take a break” and “see what came my way” and “wouldn’t try so hard”…well that all went out the window on a bored Friday afternoon at work. There I was writing 12 essays for my annual review and my eyes started to glaze over, my brain started to go numb; I had to entertain myself! And what better entertainment than a bunch of goofs on the Internet looking for love?? So I downloaded the phone app called Plenty of Fish and started fishing for dates. Bonus: got a guy’s number within 5 hours of being on the site. Bonus 2: A Top Ten List of things I already hate about online dating from the mere 36 hours I’ve been on. Enjoy!

1. Selfies – Why are there so many pictures of you by yourself with your outstretched arm framing the side of the pic and a sourpuss smirk? And why are there twelve pictures with the same facial expression and the same arm on your profile? Yes, I’m talking to you dark15672, latin0, and 345,000 others. Why why why?!
2. Only saying “hi” – I realize that out in the real world, the first thing you say to a person is “hi”, but this ain’t the real world, honey. You have an entire profile’s worth of material to work from and all you can say is, “hi” (maybe a winky face next to it to make it even more genuine)?!? Try harder. Next!
3. Copying and pasting – I’m just as lazy as the next guy, but when I can clearly tell that you’ve held down your finger, pressed copy, got to my message, held down your finger again for paste that’s pure laziness. Shit, I’ve even been called Sheila these dudes are so lazy! See gripe #2 – read first, then respond.
4. Outright asking for sex – This site is called “Plenty of Fish”, not “Plenty of Hoebags”. Done.
5. i instead of I – It’s not hard to hold down the smart-phone-version-of-a-Shift-key. Do it and do it often…like every time you’re talking about yourself.
6. Bad grammar – I wrote a whole blog about being the grammar police the last time around. Read it here : )
7. Pictures of your guns – Don’t mind seeing your muscles, but I do have a real problem with pictures of guns, knives, nunchucks, and brass knuckles. Kudos to you for being in the military or a police officer, but when you only have 5 spots for a picture, you choosing weapons is scary to me. Next!
8. Pictures of your dogs – Seriously, dogs and puppies = so cute! Again, 5 picture spots and 3 are of your dogs (and not you)…hmmm are you hiding something?
9. Pictures of you at the gym – You’re swoll, awesome. Well I’m really good at reading, but I don’t have a picture of me with my Nook. I’m also a yoga instructor, but you don’t see me doing Downward Facing Dog on my profile.
10. Pictures of you with your (ex)girlfriend – Baggage should not be something you brag about on POF. Your smile might be awesome in the pic, but it’s probably because you’re. next. to. your. girlfriend. Figure out the “crop” function on your smart phone, please, before posting.

Now, do you think I can post a link to this blog posting on my POF profile so that dudes with any of the above WON’T contact me?? Sigh…