When I met my ex-boyfriend, I’d been in Chicago a mere 10 weeks. I’d made no new friends in the city, had no hobbies, and it was freezing outside. So when we met, it was easy to fall in love – I had no distractions. I’d work all day, then see him. Maybe I’d go to yoga when he was busy. Or dwindle down my DVR list. Henceforth a fixation with my then-boyfriend began. We did everything together. I could barely function on my own. Another hitch was the fact that my living situation was a nightmare from bully hell. I couldn’t stand being at home so his home became my home. You know where I’m going with this, right? Down a dirty, stinky (albeit short) path. One of the reasons the relationship ended was because I never thrived as myself. I came into and went out of that relationship with no friends and no hobbies (though the weather was warmer).

Since then I’ve been obsessed with finding hobbies and volunteer opportunities. I take salsa lessons, I’m a Big Sister, I joined a junior board for Mikva Challenge, became an advisor for my college sorority and found a new writing gig. And I’m happy. Really happy with where my life is.

A part (sometimes small, sometimes ginormous) focuses on finding a mate or wondering why I can’t find one. That this one piece is all I have left of total and complete happiness. But what if I don’t find that? Can’t it be just ok to be involved in so many fun and cool activities? To love the friends I’ve made since the breakup (and, of course, the ones I had before it)? Maybe it’s best to just stop trying so hard to date and start really living my life. The first step is to delete 2 out of the 3 dating apps on my phone. The next step is to put my phone away at work. If I’m going to obsess over anything, it should be my job, my friends, my family, and the life I choose to lead. So sayonara dating apps and the creepy boys on them, and hello to new possibilities in my real life!