Tag Archives: onlinedating

Rape Jokes Aren’t Funny

Dear Lindy and Roxane,
Thank you for giving me the vehicle for finding out what a horrible man my date last night was. Before we even met in real life, let’s call him Rod, Rod made a “joke” about how he was going to bring “rufies” to our first date. I told him it was a terrible, terrible joke and that hopefully he was smacking himself on the forehead right at that moment. He couldn’t possibly have been serious, and certainly he was embarrassed by his lack of tact about a topic that IS. NOT. FUNNY. Of course, I knew this before I read both of your books (Lindy’s Shrill & Roxane’s Bad Feminist), but after having read both of your accounts about the absolutely not funny Daniel Tosh (watch this video to see more about the reference below), I felt empowered to have a conviction, that even if it’s a “joke”, rape isn’t funny, and pretending to bring a drug that allows you to rape someone isn’t funny.

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Dear Future Husband

Since I’ve taken a break from free online dating sites, my brain constantly works on a mental super-profile (like a super computer, not just great, but can do it ALL!). In these past few months, I’ve read multiple articles on dating, listened to podcasts, and had bitch sessions with both single and married gal pals that gave me ideas on the “perfect” profile. And then, Meghan Trainor’s tune Dear Future Husband hit the airwaves and I knew that my super-profile would be great and honest and all about the quirkiness that is me. One problem: I’m not on online dating sites at the moment, so instead, I’m sharing this on my blog!

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Dream a Little Dream for Me

While waiting to fall asleep when I was a kid, I dreamed up my future – what color house I’d have, whether or not there’d be a picket fence, how many children would be invading the front lawn, and what my husband’s profession would be. If you’ve read even one of my blog posts, you know that my life has not even remotely ended up this way.

Now I dream of more tangible things – items I can actually work toward – trips, volunteering, and living abroad again. I can’t make someone love me or make a perfect match magically appear, but I can practice Spanish for the dream trip to Ecuador I’d like to take. I can email organizations and ask them for raffle donations for charities for which I’m on the board. I can research the cheapest flight to Fort Lauderdale and NYC so I can meet my HK friends. There’s a lot I can do, but procuring a mate just doesn’t happen to be one of them.

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I’m a Real Life Bambi on Ice

I’ve been on a free online dating site hiatus for over 6 weeks and it’s been gloriously freeing. The whole not wasting my time swiping left and right, reading dumb messages, and rolling my eyes at the lack of ingenuity is fantasmo. The only thing is…I haven’t been on a date in 6 weeks. I am officially the most single (the singlest?) I’ve ever been.

I’ve been stuck behind a computer screen for so long, that I’m a real life Bambi on ice.

Bambi On The Ice

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Step Right Up for your FREE Date!

It took me 2.5 years of riding the free online dating roller coaster to realize that it’s time to get off, that maybe I shouldn’t have been on it for so long. Somehow this roller coaster has mostly been downs, without a lot of inclines. Somehow this roller coaster was never-ending; I didn’t once step off it. It slowed down to pick up passengers and to let them off quickly thereafter, but in 2.5 years I personally never disembarked. Instead, that stomach-in-your-throat, scream-‘til-it-hurts feeling prevailed. Until January 26. This is the day I decided to take a real break from free online dating sites and apps. The more I’ve analyzed this decision, the more I’ve realized that I made the absolute right choice. Never again shall a free dating app be brought up in my phone’s App Store.

Nearly every single man I’ve met online and I were misaligned. Not because we were incompatible (because sometimes we were), but because we were inherently very different people wanting very different things. I am an old soul, an old-fashioned girl who wants to get married and have a family. I’ve wanted it from the time I was 20. There’s no need to mess about and date many men, I just want one. The guys I meet online are not the same. They’re okay with modern dating, defined, I’ve recently discovered, to mean dating multiple people at the same time; to let our roller coasters run concurrently for a brief moment in time while 2 or 4 or 8 other girls’ coasters tag along. That isn’t me. And it never will be.

And while it took me a while to get off the tracks, I’m glad I am finally free of the twists and turns. I do so with a little trepidation that maybe I’m making a big mistake and my one true love is in fact waiting for me on Tinder because where else could I find him?! Though probably not because a man who wants to date three girls at the same time, isn’t the man for me.

February = 28 Days of Ashley

You probably won’t believe me when I say I’m planning to take another break from online dating. And if you’re in the 10% of readers who do, you most likely don’t believe I can actually do it…for the full month…of February. Yes, I realize that February is only 28 days, so it’s a little bit of a cheat, but this go-around I’m going to be much more intentional about my month off. Last time, I did it on a whim and it wasn’t really thought out; it was more reactionary than reasonable. This time, I’m making my 28 days all about me. Selfish it sounds and selfish it’ll be because I truly believe that the only way I’m going to be wholly attractive to a catch-worthy guy is by being wholly catch-worthy myself.

This will be a month of self-reflection and improvement filled with yoga, salsa, Spanish, volunteering, being with friends and family, reading new books (totally love that I just downloaded Goodreads by the way!), and writing. I’ll throw in a little Twitter, listening to podcasts, and reading travel blogs and Instagrams for when I need to be mindless. And to get the attention we all crave, I’ll keep up more with friends and family; I plan to call my grandparents, too!

When I lived in Hong Kong, I was really, really happy and it made me more attractive to people. Every date I went on was with a guy I met in real life. My soul was happy and that radiated from me. My soul isn’t nearly as happy in Chicago, so I want to work on that this month. February is all about loving me!

I was listening to my new favorite podcast, Invisibilia, and an awesome formula was given in this week’s episode: Fear = Thinking + Time. I fear being alone forever. I fear never having the family I desire. But do I need to be fearful? Or should I be proactive? So instead of giving myself the time to dwell over men on online dating sites, I’m going to give myself the time to think about other way, way more important things. Take away the over-thinking and the time to do it, and maybe I won’t be so afraid anymore. Maybe my soul will be happy again!