I’m about to embark on my 4th first date in as many days, thanks in part to the great social experiment of 2018 (version 2.0).
First dates are exhausting, especially when you are definitely NOT a match with someone and you know within the first 5 seconds of meeting him. Not only is it the prep time before the date, but the date itself can last hours if you’re not careful. Side bar: This also means I’m advocating for setting up the first date ASAP so you’re not wasting too much time in anticipation.
One time, I was on a date with someone I really didn’t want to be on a date with (and to answer the question you’re probably asking: I thought I wanted to be on the date with him before the date, but not after we actually met and started talking #nofire). We had our obligatory one drink, and as soon as I took my last gulp, he asked if I wanted another round. I turned to the window and it immediately started pouring down rain. Buckets, I tell you! “Sure, I’ll stay for another!” It certainly gave him the wrong impression since he texted me afterwards asking for another date, but I had walked there and was potentially without an umbrella.
So, what if instead of me relenting, a giant buzzer had sounded after 1 hour? Like an extended speed date.
Continue reading The One-Hour First Date
Recently, I met a boy. Huge shocker that I’m writing about it, yes, I know. This time, though, something different has happened. Our first date was pretty great; we met for drinks and stayed until the bar closed. Both of us knew – because we both said it out loud later – that the chemistry between us was unlike something we’d felt in a long time. And I don’t mean just physical chemistry. I mean the kind of chemistry that when he would talk, I would listen; he would get my full attention; we didn’t need phones or drinks or anything else to make the conversation work with ease.
I’ve written before about what I’m looking for in a mate, and after multiple years and multiple dating articles both read and written, I think my former list was rather shallow. Or maybe instead of shallow, it was incomplete. It didn’t get to the heart of the heart.
Continue reading The Heart of the Heart
After brunching with some girlfriends recently, one of them sent me an article titled “How to Manifest Your Dream Relationship” in response to the topic we always find ourselves talking about: men. Mainly, the never-ending stream of weird men in my life because both of these lovely ladies have lovely men in their lives who don’t do or say weird shit.
As I read through the the list, #1 & #2 were easily checked off.
- Know your worth – check. My family, friends, and therapist help keep me grounded on this one.
- Know what you want – and also what you don’t – check. I’ve talked about it in a blog post about my Top 5 “Most Wanted List” and I’ve been on enough dates to know what’s right for me and what’s not, despite being admittedly bad at sticking by that wisdom.
- Think small. This is hard for me because I always write a story in my head (and sometimes on my computer) about the guys I meet. But, I will confess, I am working on this. My big project is no longer “getting married”, but a bite-sized chew of “move to Oak Park and find a man who’s okay with that”.
The real epiphany happened when I read #4: Be prepared for the tests.
Continue reading 4. Be prepared for the tests.
I started watching Sex and City again. This time, from the very beginning. Season 1 Episode 1. 2018 marks the 20th anniversary. And while the characters don’t have cell phones, Facebook, or constant contact with their “friends”, it’s quite interesting how much we have in common: in both eras women just want to find love, but the men out there are slim pickings.
This past weekend, my grandparents, parents and I were watching some home movies. Everyone was so happy in the movies. Both my grandparents and parents laughed at the fun they were having with all of their kids. The VHS recordings made me want to have children even more than my little eggs and hormones already tell me I do. I want that same happiness my family had and still has. Someday, I want to have my own home movies to watch with my children and grandchildren.
Continue reading Sex and the City was 20 Years Ago, but the Dating Scene is Still the Same 😦
Remember that one time I said I was ready to buy a condo? That was due in part to the fact that I was done focusing on finding a husband/relationship (you know, whichever comes first). I was never giving up on finding a mate, but I was no longer going to make it my sole focus.
Earlier this week, I saw a condo in Oak Park for a second time that I’m really digging. Driving there, I started to have a mini-panic attack. What was I doing?! Was I really going to replace my desire to find a man with my desire to buy a home? Was I really ready to give up on men being my #1 priority????
Okay, so of course, men were/are not my no. 1 priority, but finding one of my soulmates was/is up there on my to-do list. I know that by buying my own place it doesn’t mean I can’t still find and/or look for a mate, but it does take my thoughts away from the husband-finding process. Which, I KNOW is a good thing, but it’s darn scary! I’ve spent so much time and energy looking for *the one* that I think I’m going through withdrawals.
So, yea, guys, I’m freaking out a little. It’s definitely first-time-home-buyer jitters. But it’s also this worry that I’m making a mistake by not prioritizing my love life.
Continue reading Should I Prioritize My Love Life?
Mr. League and I went on a 2nd date; this date, too, was a marathoner: a whopping 7 hours long! But after two marathon dates (totaling 13 hours), Mr. League vanished. Well, he didn’t complete fade into thin air like a ghost, but he did sorta just disappear intermittently. After a week of barely any conversation, I finally asked him if he wanted to hang out again…like ever. His response:
I do have a lot cooking right now, so I’m trying to keep some balance. Let me swing back to you when I’m ready.
Right…so while you’re chopping, stirring, and cooking, I’ll just twiddle my fingers and wait patiently. I’ll be on your timetable. No problemo.
Continue reading Convenient Dating