As a new feature, I’m reliving the stories of my top 5 worst/funniest/best-date-story stories. Here’s #5:
Approximately 7 years ago, I had my first bout of online dating. This was when going online to find a date was a combination of secrecy, exhilaration, and creepiness. I met exactly 4 guys in the 4 months I drank the match.com Kool-Aid. This is a story about one of the few men that actually went online looking for a date in LaSalle County.
Steve was a nice enough fellow. We met for ice cream on our first date and decided that it was “good enough” for a follow-up meeting. The new Batman movie was coming out and, while going to the movies is a terrible second date idea, Batman is my favorite superhero.
Going to the movies on a date is strange since there’s no time to talk and get to know one another…unless you’re Steve. Steve decided to talk the entire time the previews were playing and play a little game I like to call “get to know my fresh and new date with 20 questions while the previews are playing in a very full theater of people.” This included such gems as what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream, why did you travel to China in college, and do you have any siblings. If you’ve ever seen a movie with me, you know that I hate to be late to movies because I LOVE the previews. They are like their own little movies and the only words I want to say/hear during this 20-minute prelude is: “That looks terrible” and “I can’t wait to see that!”
Needless to say, I was distracted during our one-on-one, while Steve rambled on with great second date questions meant for a nice conversation over Mexican food, not at a movie theater. While I was feeling annoyed, Steve was feeling quite comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, he decided to lean over 20 minutes into the movie and ask if he could “hold my hand.” I obliged if only to get him to stop talking during the movie. After approximately 10 minutes, I couldn’t take it any longer, my hand was sweating and I wanted to hold my own hand, not the one of a near stranger. I leaned over and I whispered, “my hand is sweaty, so I’ll take that back” as I proceeded to pull my hand away in slow motion. For the remainder of the movie, my hands stayed glued to my thighs. For the remainder of the movie, Steve’s hands fumbled, sometimes behind my back a la middle school and the ol’ yawn trick, sometimes fiddling in his lap.
After Batman got Gotham City back to safety once again, Steve asked if I wanted to hang out further. I said no. It wasn’t a terrible date, but it was juvenile. At 25, I was looking for a real man (who knew that 7 long ass years later, I’d still be searching for one!), so I cut Steve loose.
*I will admit that this story is pretty tame in comparison to the next four, so stay tuned for even worse/funnier/better-date-story stories.