Mourning the Loss of my Singlehood

When I’d met Harry*, I had grown accustomed to – even falling in love with – my life as a single person. I started a monthly brunch club with all of my girlfriends in Chicago, volunteered 1-3 nights a week, began editing a newsletter for a local yoga studio in exchange for free classes, had frequent dinner dates with my best friend’s family, and joined the happiest of hours with my single girlfriends. My independence and the ability to choose to do what I wanted when I wanted was exhilarating.

And then a perfect little present fell from the eHarmony sky: Harry. And, I mean that; Harry is perfect. He checks every box on my list: nice, considerate, funny, intelligent, good-looking, open, honest, likes to work out and go to yoga, good cook, volunteers, has been to more countries than me, wants to get married and have a family, and the list could go on. Yet, I find myself somewhat resistant to him. We get along like two peas in a pod. I’m scared, though, of being TWO peas in a pod when I’ve spent so long being ONE pea all alone.

I have become so secure, so good at being single that maybe my resistance is actually me mourning the loss of my singlehood. I love reading a book at any time of the day. I love cooking meals for the rest of the week for hours on a Sunday night. I love turning up salsa music really loudly while I eat cookie dough standing in my kitchen. I love that I never come home directly after work because yoga, volunteering, or friends come before Netflix and chill all by my lonesome. Speaking of Netflix: I love watching continuous hours and hours of episodes of Parks and Recreation and Friday Night Lights. I love that I cry during commercials and then laugh at myself for doing so. I love that I eat 3 meals a day at work because I’m not home enough to eat them in my dining room. I love that I have my own life.

And I know that just because I met a guy that’s really fantastic, it doesn’t mean I have to give up all of these things, but it does mean I have to give up some of these things some of the time if I want to have the time and space for Harry in my life. And I do want to make time and space for him, so right now I’m working on finding room in my pod for another pea to snuggle up to.
*still not his real name

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