Even though I live by myself, pay taxes, contribute $400 a month to my 403b, spend way too much money at the grocery store on all-natural and organic foods, no longer have student loans, own my own car, and work a 9-5, I still don’t feel like an adult. I keep thinking that maybe I’ll truly feel like an adult when I get married or have kids or buy a house. I don’t feel like a child or even a young adult, but I just don’t feel like…my parents.

There are some perks to not feeling like an adult. I still look youthful, I get lots of birthday and Christmas presents from my family, and no one seems to expect me to bring anything to the holiday family get-togethers.

Recently, though, I got the itch to buy my own place. I’ve lived in Chicago for five years and for 4 years and 11 months of that, I had no desire to own a house. I even said I was happy to rent for the rest of my life. About a month ago, the flip was switched. I was ready!

Was it because Chicago was starting to feel like home? Was it because I felt truly happy? In part, I honestly think it’s because I resigned myself to the fact that I’m probably not going to find a “life partner” anytime soon. I’m not giving up on this, but rape joke guy burst my bubble (though maybe it was a bubble that needed to be burst?).

I’ve always known, but probably not fully believed, that happiness doesn’t come from a mate. So when rape joke guy made rape joke and I freaked out a little afterwards, I actually had a breakthrough: I don’t need a man to make me happy (for realz!). And after fully realizing that, I have been so happy lately. I was blaming it on the yoga nidra (yogic sleep) I’ve been doing every night before bed, but I’m also thinking it could be a little more than that. I’m content with where everything in my life is right now.

I read an article this week that said, “there’s a fair amount of research to support the idea that being single […] makes you happier.” Basically, the article says you don’t have to wait for a mate to do all the things you wanna do. You can do you and be you and be happy…all on your own, without the help of a partner.

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m gonna continue to do me and be me and be happy. Just now I’m going to do it with a mortgage instead of a rent payment. *Deep breaths, Ash, you can do this!*