Rape Jokes Aren’t Funny

Dear Lindy and Roxane,
Thank you for giving me the vehicle for finding out what a horrible man my date last night was. Before we even met in real life, let’s call him Rod, Rod made a “joke” about how he was going to bring “rufies” to our first date. I told him it was a terrible, terrible joke and that hopefully he was smacking himself on the forehead right at that moment. He couldn’t possibly have been serious, and certainly he was embarrassed by his lack of tact about a topic that IS. NOT. FUNNY. Of course, I knew this before I read both of your books (Lindy’s Shrill & Roxane’s Bad Feminist), but after having read both of your accounts about the absolutely not funny Daniel Tosh (watch this video to see more about the reference below), I felt empowered to have a conviction, that even if it’s a “joke”, rape isn’t funny, and pretending to bring a drug that allows you to rape someone isn’t funny.

Not only was this joker 40 minutes late, he brought up the “rufies” (yes, I know it’s not spelled that way) again. “Whoops, I forgot the rufies! Bahahaha!”

Me: stone faced.

“What?! It’s a joke!”

He then proceeded to tell me that he thought HE was so funny, and always laughed at his own jokes. I couldn’t take it any longer! So, I said to him, “Yes, I’ve laughed at many of your jokes, but not the rape joke.”

He was stunned, “But what do you mean?”

I explained that joking about bringing roofies (a drug given to women intended to knock them out in order to rape them) isn’t funny. I told him about both of your books. I told him about Daniel Tosh. And I bet you can guess what he did when I recited the “punch line” of “let’s rape that woman right now for standing up to MY very funny joke about rape”: Rod laughed uproariously and continued to school me, much like you received for standing up against it. “It’s a joke!” “His job is to make people laugh and to catch them off guard.” [after 20 minutes of backpedaling:] “I didn’t laugh because it’s funny, I laughed because it surprised me.” and “Have you watched the tape? I’m sure EVERYONE laughed.”

I was simmering, thanks to you both. I stood up for women and myself. He didn’t like it. He told me as much, including calling me a neo-Nazi with a liberal agenda, via text message that I received after 8 hours of blissful sleep. Oh, why so blissful after such a horrific night? I deleted Tinder whilst crying in the cab home. I don’t know why I let online dating get the better of me. So, I deleted the 3-day old app from my phone. I “ruined” this poor sap’s weekend, but despite the little sob in the taxi, my weekend was made pretty clear: I do not think rape jokes are funny. I do not think online dating is fun. I shall leave both out of my life’s agenda. Thanks to you, Lindy and Roxane, for helping me this weekend.

All the best,
Ashley

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