Remember that one time I said I was ready to buy a condo? That was due in part to the fact that I was done focusing on finding a husband/relationship (you know, whichever comes first). I was never giving up on finding a mate, but I was no longer going to make it my sole focus.

Earlier this week, I saw a condo in Oak Park for a second time that I’m really digging. Driving there, I started to have a mini-panic attack. What was I doing?! Was I really going to replace my desire to find a man with my desire to buy a home? Was I really ready to give up on men being my #1 priority????

Okay, so of course, men were/are not my no. 1 priority, but finding one of my soulmates was/is up there on my to-do list. I know that by buying my own place it doesn’t mean I can’t still find and/or look for a mate, but it does take my thoughts away from the husband-finding process. Which, I KNOW is a good thing, but it’s darn scary! I’ve spent so much time and energy looking for *the one* that I think I’m going through withdrawals.

So, yea, guys, I’m freaking out a little. It’s definitely first-time-home-buyer jitters. But it’s also this worry that I’m making a mistake by not prioritizing my love life.

Side story: Two nights ago I sliced the shit out of my finger on my brand new chopper (thanks, Mom & Dad, for the Christmas present!). It didn’t hurt too bad, but it was bleeding something fierce. I tried wrapping it myself with gauze and tape, but I couldn’t get it tight enough and it continued bleeding. I had never met any of my neighbors, but I knew I needed some help, so I knocked on the door next to mine.

A young woman answered and I introduced myself and told her my predicament. She was kind enough to come over and help. As her hands were shaking, she said, “I’m sorry I’m shaking so much. I’m stoned!” WTF? In all honesty, whatevs, you do you and get stoned, honey, but just help me. And that she did.

As soon as my door closed, though, tears welled. Is this what I’m resigning myself to if I don’t find a relationship – a high 22-year-old girl wrapping up my bloody fingers?!