On a recent trip home, my family got together at my grandparents’ house. One kooky aunt of mine (come to think of it, they’re all pretty kooky…) asked me if I was single. I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times at family affairs, but her response was a first: “That’s great!” she said. “Do I have a proposition for you!”

My aunt proceeded to explain to me that she loves a certain podcast and has been listening to it since the ’70s. (And no, readers, I will not share with you the name of the podcast…) Recently, a new podcaster joined the list of shows on the roster and she adored him. He was funny and told about the woes of being a single guy in Chicago. After hearing these stories, my aunt decided to do some research – what was his last name? Was he cute? What was his email address?

This is where I come in…”Yes, Aunt Sherry, I’m single.” After hearing her story and having previously vowed to never turn down a crazy situation (which almost always leads to a crazy story for the blog), I agreed to let her send the podcaster my email address and short bio, then send it off to the podcaster in hopes that he’d respond and henceforth take me on a date so we’d fall in love, her then being credited with me finally getting married. Okay, she probably didn’t think that far in advance, but here’s what she wrote:

[Podcaster]:

[Please don’t read this email on the podcast and please don’t think I’m nuts.]

I am a happy charter subscriber and faithful listener to both the [blank] Show and the [blank] podcast (I’ve been listening to [your host] since the 1970s).  You are hilarious on both.  It seems like [your host] is letting you talk more; it makes the show funnier. Both shows brighten my days.

What I’ve gleaned over the years is that you are a really good, kind-hearted person. I truly wish the best for you. You’ve mentioned in the last few months that you are looking to meet fun and attractive women. My niece, Ashley, is not in a relationship, is 30 years old, has not been married, and has no children. She lives in Logan Square and works in Chicago. She’s beautiful, outgoing, fun-loving, friendly, and genuine. Ashley is a former elementary school teacher who has a master’s degree, loves living in Chicago, and enjoys travel. Her photo is attached.

On the podcast recently you made fun of the woman who, at the Cubs game, tried to set you up with her daughter. This email is not in response to that. I’ve had this idea for months and finally asked Ashley if emailing you is OK. She said it is and would be happy to meet you. If you would like, you can contact her at autumnamc@gmail.com.

Sincerely,

Sherry

My favorite parts of this email include:

1. The first line! Haha!!

2. My email address is wrong.

The podcaster did respond to my aunt who then forwarded me the emails where I saw the incorrect email address. I decided to take fate into my own hands and email Mr. Podcaster myself. What have I to lose? An evening with a good story in the end??

The Podcaster emailed me back and asked me to get drinks. We’re going…tonight…report to come!

A few hours later…

I went on a very nice date with the podcaster, but we didn’t have very much in common. He was nice and had a good sense of humor, but we didn’t have much else to talk about besides the pleasantries of a first date. I wish there was some grand climax to this story right now, but really the highlight came in that awesome email that my aunt sent. Sorry, Aunt Sherry, there won’t be a love connection on this one, but thanks for trying!!

Ah, yes, leave it to me to fall in love with yet another online dating site. This time, Hinge is my victim. Hinge is a phone app connected to Facebook that matches you with 6-12 people every day that are Facebook friends of your Facebook friends (though more often there’s this sneaky thing that Hinge does where it connects you with friends of friends of friends a.k.a. a third degree connection). I like that these are real people – though every dude I’ve met off of other sites (and there are many) I’ve been on have been real, but the fact that someone I know knows this guy I’m chatting to, makes it *seem* better. With each match, you click a heart for yay! I think you’re cute enough or X for sorry, buddy, you aren’t doing it for me. If there’s a double heart, you can chat.

So far, this chatting has gotten me 4 dates. In a week. I’m a steamroller through every site I ever go on. I get bored easily with sites because they don’t produce Mr. Wonderful, so I just date in a flurry then get off the site, waiting patiently for the next big thing.

Date 1 was with a very nice guy (read between the lines of very nice guy…that means I have no other adjectives for which to describe him), but I’m a snob. He called Asia the Orient and didn’t know that Tokyo was in Japan. Now I’m no geographer, but this is basic stuff. He also continued to use cop lingo in our conversations (locked up and “the zone” amongst them). I swear I do want to meet a nice guy, but if nice is the only word I can use to describe a date, then he isn’t the right one for me.

Date 2 was hilarious and we got along splendidly. Despite there being an obvious height difference and the fact that the date had to start in a standing room only bar (read: I stood two inches taller and we had to notice it every time we looked at one another), the date was great! Until…he texted 12 hours later that he only wanted something casual aka a “casual-esque-thinga-ma-bob” (that’s verbatim, my friends). Yea, um I can’t get married to a casual-esque-thinga-ma-bob. My parents would kill me.

Date 3 led into a second date on the same day. We met for afternoon drinks, had so much fun during our five-hour first date that we decided to meet up after dinner (he had previous dinner plans). We hung out for another three hours and made plans for another date soon. Sometimes online sites can surprise you, especially when there is so little information to go on. The only things you can see on Hinge are photos, a few descriptor words chosen by the suitor, sometimes the height (if they decide to put it there), place of employment, and who you’re connected through. The fact that we could get along so well with so little information is pretty amazing. Now, I’m not hanging my hat on this one (because we allll know where that gets ya!), but my faith in Hinge has been satiated with this guy.

Date 4 never happened. It was all set up, then both of us got skeptical. He revealed a few days before we were meant to meet that he was 5’5”; I’m 5’8”. Not that it’s the biggest deal in the world, especially if everything else is really great, but the boy basically told me that he was self-conscious and that I wouldn’t like that he was so short. We left it at that and didn’t continue our plans.

Now that my first two weeks on Hinge are over, I can safely say that it didn’t suck. I like the fact that if you’re not interested, they can’t contact you (see my recent POF communication and how awesome it was). The main complaint I have is the lack of communication; you’d think that I’d be okay with that after POF, but I’ve been matched with plenty of guys and probably only 20% actually say anything. I’ve started some communication with the ones I like best, but otherwise it’s slow going on the chatting front. After these three (or was it four?) dates, I have no other guys that I’ve had more than five messages with, let alone a phone number exchange. If you’re looking for a casual and easy site, then Hinge might be for you!

The topic of this post can be a touchy subject. Dear Abby says not to talk about it on first dates and we were advised not to bring it up at sorority recruitments. Religion.

I was not baptized, I did not do communion, and I didn’t go to church. Religion and god were not topics we discussed around the dinner table. Yes, I’ve been to church a handful of times; I even went to Vacation Bible School for a few summers. I toyed with the idea of being agnostic for most of my life. When the topic came up, I’d tell the same spiel: I didn’t go to church growing up, so it’s not something I know much about.

It wasn’t until recently that I could utter the word atheist. Atheists were always depicted as hedonists – immoral and damned. The idea of saying that I was an atheist made me fear that in the event that there was a god, I’d be burning in hell in the afterlife. It was always easier to say agnostic, because it meant that you had the chance to redeem yourself. It meant that you could change your mind or that this potential god would accept you because of ignorance.

But, I know now what I really believe…and that is in logic. I do not believe in god or in the teachings of religious texts. My parents raised me to be a moral and kind person who helps others, cares about the world, and values family and friends – I am all of these things, and I am atheist.

You might ask why I bring up this topic on my rather simple-minded blog on dating and travel. And, as you might’ve predicted, this does have to do with a guy. I’ve been on a few dates recently with a real nice fella who has mentioned god on multiple occasions. He is Latino, which typically means a strong Catholic faith streaming through the family. So when and how do I bring up the fact that I’m atheist? We’ve been on a handful of dates and we’re not serious, but I’m afraid that if we get too far, start to have feelings and then I don’t tell him that I’m atheist, it might get sticky. Is it better to get it out now just in case it’s important him?

I’ve dated people from multiple faiths and am accepting of others. I have friends who are religious; my roommate’s dad is a pastor. It doesn’t bother me that they have faith and I hope that it doesn’t bother them that I don’t. But when feelings and a hypothetical family get involved, it has the potential to mean something to others. If this guy is staunchly Catholic and can’t accept that I’m not, then it’s probably better to find that out now before either of us starts to have feelings. One of my best girlfriends is married to an agnostic, while she’s of a strong faith. They make it work beautifully, so I know that it can be done. But, I’m still scared of broaching the topic. What if he thinks I’m a heathen? Even though I am moral and kind and good, he might still think I’m not worth it.

Whenever I dream of a guy I used to date, I always dream of my college boyfriend. There are very few things I could tell you about him, but I can tell you the way he made me feel – delectably happy. Simply, we were in love. I haven’t felt that way since him and I think I’ve always been searching for it, hence why I’m rightfully so picky. I’ve dreamt about my college sweetheart ever since we broke up. Usually faceless images of him pop into my sleepy thoughts, like a ghost haunting me, reminding me to not give up on what I deserve. Not once have I had a dream about any other ex so are my dreams telling me something? I’m not spiritual in any way, but maybe my dreams are giving me signs to stay on the right path to love so I can again be happy, genuinely happy in a relationship.

This boy would randomly bring me flowers, he’d leave me love notes, we talked constantly and, while we had our fights as couples do, we were generally blissful. I don’t want to date him again (he’s married anyway), but I want to feel that way again. We made some regrettable decisions when we were together (i.e. I have no friends from college because I spent ALL of my waking moments eating, breathing and sleeping him), but I was happy, genuinely happy. 

Why, then, have I ever settled for anything less? I’ve subjected my heart to trauma since that relationship ended – cheaters, liars, jerks, commitment-phobes, you name it – all on the search for *that* feeling. I had a taste of how delicious being in love could be, and I’m determined to savor it again.