Category Archives: Living Life and Yoga, Too

A Perfectly Imperfect Yogi

My first ever yoga class was my freshman year in college, a hard-to-believe 14 years ago. My dedication to the practice has ebbed and flowed but I’ve always really enjoyed it and have felt the benefits both internally and externally.

I’ve gone to countless studios, been on 2 yoga retreats (with the 3rd taking place over Labor Day weekend, and hopefully a 4th in December), and completed yoga teacher training. Despite all of the hours I’ve spent in downward facing dog, I am an imperfect yogi.

I can’t turn my mind off during meditation.

My feet go numb if I sit for too long.

My hips are as stiff as the tin man. 

I can’t turn my neck in the opposite direction as my legs while lying down.

I can’t look up during triangle for more than 30 seconds.

I can’t stay longer than a second in crow. 

My headstand and handstand leave something to be desired. 

Yet…

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A Eulogy to my “Wild Grandma”

This past weekend my maternal grandmother passed after a journey with cancer. She was a kind soul who loved many things, among them:

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BINGO

H&G (aka HGTV)

Country Music

My grandfather

Pranks

Corny jokes

Telling stories of her past

Her friends

Getting her hair done

Taking care of her long manicured nails

Singing

Lottery tickets

Her dog, Peppy

And most of all, her family

Even until the very end, she never complained. She smiled, made jokes, and even flirted with the EMTs when they brought her home with hospice. She was proud of all of her grandchildren and told us each and every time she talked to us. She was brave, patient, and strong – one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. There were many ups in her life, but through the downs she always kept her head held high. She loved my niece, her great granddaughter, more than life itself. She was quick with a smile, quick with a joke, and quick with a hug. Whether you called her Mom, Grandma, Wanda, Elwanda, Granny, GG, or Wild Grandma, she treated you fairly and with respect, never judging or doubting. She was a wonderful and caring woman whose loss will be felt by many.

Gram, I’ll miss you so much. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me and our family so fiercely. May you rest in peace.

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Elwanda Taylor Obituary

32: The Year of You!

365 days ago, I cried on my birthday because I was afraid that I hadn’t accomplished enough in the last year. I was 31 and in the past year, I hadn’t gotten a raise, earned a promotion, found the love of my life, or had babies. I was in exactly the same place I’d been the year before. It’s not that I wasn’t accomplished, but it felt like my life had moved nowhere in 12 months.

This year, though, the only tears I had were ones of appreciation. I had thoughtful texts, phone calls, Facebook posts, and in-person time from best friends, family members, friends from the past, and cute boys. I’ve had goose bumps of happiness for the past few days, starting with the boozy brunch I had with 9 of my Chicago girlfriends on Saturday and continuing to the cookie cake my coworkers surprised me with today, the 105 (and counting) Facebook posts, dinner and shopping with my parents, and countless personal texts and phone calls from around the world.

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Language Date

A few hours before meeting Carlos this evening, my stomach was in knots. It was the same feeling I get in my gut on the day of a first date. Except this wasn’t a first date per se; it was a language date. Despite having plenty of friends who speak Spanish fluently, I’ve never actually spoken Spanish with them. Whether out of stage fright or laziness, it’s just never happened. So instead, I joined Conversation Exchange a few weeks back after feeling particularly bold and desiring of Spanish skills. On the site, you exchange messages with people who also want to practice their language skills. I want to speak Spanish and am a native English speaker; my partners desire the opposite.

After multiple messages (a la OKCupid), Carlos and I set up a date to meet in person. Just like first dates, I felt like canceling the entire day. “I am terrible at Spanish. I’ll never need it!” I tell myself all day. And while my back up plan in life is to move to South America, I figured that I can “learn it another day, another time, when I’ve had more practice in the solitude of my own bedroom.”

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Ahimsa

The word ahimsa in its simplest terms means nonviolence in Sanskrit. When I was going through yoga teacher training in 2012, I fell in love with the description of ahimsa in Patanjali’s sutras, or threads of teaching. Patanjali is one of the granddaddies of yoga and he wrote many of the basics of yoga at least 1,700 years ago.

Many times, yogis are asked to have a mantra – something to repeat during times of indecision, relaxation, or meditation. It’s a word or phrase that resonates with you and is meant to be calming and helpful. Ahimsa is that word for me. When I read the explanation the first time, I was hooked. Here’s a piece of the definition I liked most:

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Doctor! Help!

My first post about my neck/back issues was written in October; at that point, I’d seen the inside of a multitude of doctors’ offices. First, I went to a chiropractor, who along with spinal adjustments added a massage therapist into the mix. I got x-rays and an MRI, followed by a consultation with a neurologist and time at physical therapy. After four months of no resolution, I continued on my journey for answers: what’s wrong with me? and what can I do to fix it?

Since then, I self-diagnosed my problem as stemming from me grinding my teeth at night. I took this diagnosis to my GP during my wellness checkup and she thought that I might be onto something, so she recommended a sleep doctor who could monitor how I sleep and if I’m doing anything unusual. Off to my sixth doctor’s office in as many months. Hooked up to all sorts of machines, I slept for a few hours while information about my sleep was recorded – do I grind my teeth, do I get into REM, do I fall asleep quickly, how long do I sleep, do I snore, etc. When it was time to review my results, the doctor informed me that I had a “beautiful sleep test.” In other words, nothing is wrong with how I sleep.

You may be starting to wonder if within in this time, I, myself, had gone to med school and finished residency. Not only were my answers taking an inordinate amount of time and effort, I had to figure out my own diagnosis and my own medical plan. I’m the furthest thing from a doctor, yet it’s been up to me to decide where to go next in my questions’ quest. I’m extremely lucky that I have a computer, am literate, am intelligent, have insurance and love Google, or else I’d be in even more constant pain.

Just to add to the complexity, a rib went out of place last month. I’ve had to get it re-adjusted three times by my chiropractor. The headaches have more or less remained and I have a nearly constant pain in my neck and upper back near my left shoulder blade. The only positive thing I can say about this whole experience is that the bimonthly massages for which I pay $70 a pop are amazing. My bank account still hates me.

Another stab in the dark is taking me to see an orthopedist next week. Once I explained the symptoms and my medical journey to the orthopedic nurse, she wasn’t scared away; actually, she had the “perfect” doctor for me: a retired spinal surgeon. I want to feel better and I wish it hadn’t taken so damn long, but if this doctor can save me from headaches and pain, I’ll be forever grateful. Doctor friends, if you’re reading this, help! Do you have suggestions? I have plenty of things to help the pain, but want to really know what’s going on. Please and thank you.