The other day, my grandma looked me earnestly in the face and said, “You will find someone when the timing is right. It hasn’t happened yet because you’re waiting for the BEST. I understand. It’ll happen, so don’t worry.” This came with no prompting from me. We hadn’t even been talking about it, but she could tell that it’s always on my mind.
Every moment in life, including time spent with grandmas, is a chance to learn something new. Dating should have its own classroom. A few friends and I put together a list of the things we’ve lived and learned in singledom: Continue reading Live and Learn
While waiting to fall asleep when I was a kid, I dreamed up my future – what color house I’d have, whether or not there’d be a picket fence, how many children would be invading the front lawn, and what my husband’s profession would be. If you’ve read even one of my blog posts, you know that my life has not even remotely ended up this way.
Now I dream of more tangible things – items I can actually work toward – trips, volunteering, and living abroad again. I can’t make someone love me or make a perfect match magically appear, but I can practice Spanish for the dream trip to Ecuador I’d like to take. I can email organizations and ask them for raffle donations for charities for which I’m on the board. I can research the cheapest flight to Fort Lauderdale and NYC so I can meet my HK friends. There’s a lot I can do, but procuring a mate just doesn’t happen to be one of them.
Continue reading Dream a Little Dream for Me
When I left HK, I had a job offer in Seattle, but I turned it down because I thought that me moving to Chicago meant settling down time and I was ready for that. I’d be closer to my family where I eventually wanted to end up, but now that I’m here and dating hasn’t exactly been successful, I wonder if I made the right choice. Is it time to move on again? Maybe it’s giving up after only 2.5 years, but the quality of men out there is really slim-pickings.
But then again, should the measure of my life be based against the guys that I date or the fun that I’m having and the life that I’m leading? I look back at my photos from Hong Kong and I look really, truly happy – the best I’ve ever looked.
Continue reading Is Chicago Really the BEST for ME?
I’ve been on a free online dating site hiatus for over 6 weeks and it’s been gloriously freeing. The whole not wasting my time swiping left and right, reading dumb messages, and rolling my eyes at the lack of ingenuity is fantasmo. The only thing is…I haven’t been on a date in 6 weeks. I am officially the most single (the singlest?) I’ve ever been.
I’ve been stuck behind a computer screen for so long, that I’m a real life Bambi on ice.
Continue reading I’m a Real Life Bambi on Ice
Love is a drug. There’s a great high when you find it, and this huge withdrawal when it goes away. Even if it’s one night, one week, or several years, the high is intoxicating. The kind of feeling that makes you roll down your windows and crank the music up loud because every song that comes on the radio is amazing. That feeling can just as easily be withdrawn. He hasn’t texted since we met…withdrawal. We stopped talking after our second date…withdrawal. You’d think we’d become desensitized to that high in order to protect ourselves from the withdrawal, yet we keep on coming back for more. Over and over again we take the hit of love, even though withdrawal looms around the corner.
Despite the references above, I have never taken drugs of any sort, but I read an article today about the affects of sugar addiction and the parallels were remarkably similar to the highs and lows of drug use…and love. It feels outstanding when you take that first bite of the cupcake and the first flirtation. And downright awful when you take sugar out of your diet and love out of your heart.
I’ve noticed this same up and down feeling this year with the guys I’ve dated. I’ll meet a guy and think, “Oh, he’s so wonderful. He’s different than any other guy I’ve ever met. How much would I love being a firefighter’s wife?!” The birds are singing and the best music ever is blaring with the windows down. Then it ends abruptly. Withdrawal.
Continue reading Love is a Drug
It took me 2.5 years of riding the free online dating roller coaster to realize that it’s time to get off, that maybe I shouldn’t have been on it for so long. Somehow this roller coaster has mostly been downs, without a lot of inclines. Somehow this roller coaster was never-ending; I didn’t once step off it. It slowed down to pick up passengers and to let them off quickly thereafter, but in 2.5 years I personally never disembarked. Instead, that stomach-in-your-throat, scream-‘til-it-hurts feeling prevailed. Until January 26. This is the day I decided to take a real break from free online dating sites and apps. The more I’ve analyzed this decision, the more I’ve realized that I made the absolute right choice. Never again shall a free dating app be brought up in my phone’s App Store.
Nearly every single man I’ve met online and I were misaligned. Not because we were incompatible (because sometimes we were), but because we were inherently very different people wanting very different things. I am an old soul, an old-fashioned girl who wants to get married and have a family. I’ve wanted it from the time I was 20. There’s no need to mess about and date many men, I just want one. The guys I meet online are not the same. They’re okay with modern dating, defined, I’ve recently discovered, to mean dating multiple people at the same time; to let our roller coasters run concurrently for a brief moment in time while 2 or 4 or 8 other girls’ coasters tag along. That isn’t me. And it never will be.
And while it took me a while to get off the tracks, I’m glad I am finally free of the twists and turns. I do so with a little trepidation that maybe I’m making a big mistake and my one true love is in fact waiting for me on Tinder because where else could I find him?! Though probably not because a man who wants to date three girls at the same time, isn’t the man for me.