Dating Hiatus – The Result

I fully admitted over a month ago that I was forming an unhealthy obsession with online dating and wanted to take a one-month break from the dating devil. Here’s what’s happened in the last 30 days:

Day 1 : I’m going through online-dating-withdrawals. It’s been less than a week since the last guy and I broke it off and I’m already jonesin’ for a date. Facebook had an ad for 70% off eHarmony. It’s the only dating site I haven’t conquered; I almost caved. Alas, I texted girlfriends instead and made dinner plans for Tuesday. Otherwise, my week is completely blank after work which means lots of yoga and a salsa night. Maybe I should get back on meetup.com to see if there’s anything going on out there in the world.

Day 3 : Started a list of ideas for a new blog – how to meet guys in real life. I asked my friends for their ideas, not only because I need their ideas, but because I need their ideas, if you know what I’m saying.

Side note – At work today, my boss found out that $39 had been charged to her company credit card for…wait for it…match.com. Yes, her company credit was charged for a match.com subscription haha! Guess who everyone assumed it was… :/

Day 4 : I feel a sense of relief that I don’t have to worry about who’s messaging me now. When it’s my friends, there isn’t that same sense of urgency to text immediately.

Day 6 : Many of my friends are going on dates both from guys they met online and irl. Jealousy snuck in a little. Had to remind myself that I’ve been more productive and generally less anxious this past week than when I’m online dating, so I shall persevere.

Ghosts of Christmases Past:

I’ve hung out with three exes this month. Apparently I’m not completely dateless, but I am dumb for seeing them all. (They all asked me by the way.) The universe heard I wasn’t doing online dating this month, so it decided to not make me completely dateless. Fail, universe.

Day 7 : Two of the girls I was out with went home with guys they met tonight. I don’t want to do that, but it would nice if a guy tried to at least talk to me. There’s no way finding love can be in a bar. It’s too loud and everyone is inebriated. #attentionwithdrawals

Day 14 : I have a lot of single girlfriends. It’s what we talk about. But without dates (besides meetings with exes), I don’t have much to say. This month has been good practice in talking about other things…anything else to get my mind off this dateless month. Has it only been two weeks?!

Day 21 : Got my tinder fix during intermission of The Nutcracker with a friend who’s on it. Downloaded Coffee and Bagel immediately after I got home which is only a minor cheat. It’s one match a day. Can’t get crazy with no men to stalk.

Day 22 : Told my roommate about my cheat. She chastised me. “How can you not last a month…it’s not that hard?!” Oh, but it is!

So that’s it…21 days online-dating-free. Two friends joined me in our quest for sanity. Here’s how we all fared:

Ashley

  1. Did you actually stay offline for the full 30 days? Nope! I was seduced by the power of online dating after about 20 days.
  2. If not, what site did you go on? And why? Coffee Meets Bagel – it’s one match a day, so it’s low pressure and no binging allowed.
  3. Why did you decide to take a break from online dating? I was forming an obsession with finding someone – anyone – and it was maybe unhealthy. Not like potato-chips-for-breakfast unhealthy, just took up too much time and brain power.
  4. Did taking the break help you with anything? Are you glad you did it? If anything it helped me truly realize that I was getting too hung up on the idea of dating and not enough on whom I was dating. I’m definitely glad I did it. I feel more in control of the next step.

Betsy

  1. Did you actually stay offline for the full 30 days? I did not stay offline the whole time. I have an eharmony account that I paid wayyyy too much for and wasn’t going to deactivate it. I’m not very active on that site anyway, so I would just check it every few days to see if I had gotten any messages.
  2. If not, what site did you go on? And why? About three weeks in I also was back on tinder, mostly out of sheer boredom from being at my parents’ house during winter break with nothing to entertain me. However, I rarely get past a few text conversations with people from tinder so I never really expected to get any dates from it.
  3. Why did you decide to take a break from online dating? I originally decided to take a break because my roommate suggested it 🙂 I’m trying to focus on me a bit more this year, so I know taking a break from dating completely would be a good idea.
  4. Did taking the break help you with anything? Are you glad you did it? Nothing neither good nor bad really happened from it… However when I got back on tinder I spent way too much time on it because I’m on a break from work and was bored. My online dating experiences don’t ever really lead to any significant relationships, with a few exceptions, so I don’t feel like I was or wasn’t glad for taking a break.

Pippa*

  1. Did you actually stay offline for the full 30 days? Yes I actually stayed offline the entire 30 days. Well basically. I met a guy on tinder the day before I gave up online dating. I feel like this little experiment would have been much different if that had not happened. Although every time I thought about getting on, I thought of our pact and was like, “Nope can’t do it!” Also my card that was on file at match.com was hacked so I cancelled the card thus cancelling match. Although I would still get those annoying updates when someone emailed or winked at me. At first I was curious and then just annoyed. Maybe I’ve become jaded but they would pop up and I would instantly think what creepy 60 year old emailed me now.
  2. If not, what site did you go on? And why? I checked happn once and got off right away. I also got on tinder once to show a picture of the guy I met 30 days ago to a friend and actually was nervous about getting on – I liked that he could tell I hadn’t been using tinder since we met and ignorance is bliss so didn’t want to see when he was last on either.
  3. Why did you decide to take a break from online dating? I took a break because of this challenge but also my friend Phil. He always tells me to stop trying and it will just happen so this was kind of an experiment I guess of “not trying”.
  4. Did taking the break help you with anything? Are you glad you did it? I am really glad I took a break and plan to not get back on. Well once we see where things go with this guy anyway 🙂  It was nice not having that constant thought of having to write people back etc and I feel like most online dating hasn’t turned into anything good for me so best to be done with it.

*Clearly not her real name. We’re not British…

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