After brunching with some girlfriends recently, one of them sent me an article titled “How to Manifest Your Dream Relationship” in response to the topic we always find ourselves talking about: men. Mainly, the never-ending stream of weird men in my life because both of these lovely ladies have lovely men in their lives who don’t do or say weird shit.

As I read through the the list, #1 & #2 were easily checked off.

1. Know your worth – check. My family, friends, and therapist help keep me grounded on this one.
2. Know what you want – and also what you don’t – check. I’ve talked about it in a blog post about my Top 5 “Most Wanted List” and I’ve been on enough dates to know what’s right for me and what’s not, despite being admittedly bad at sticking by that wisdom.
3. Think small. This is hard for me because I always write a story in my head (and sometimes on my computer) about the guys I meet. But, I will confess, I am working on this. My big project is no longer “getting married”, but a bite-sized chew of “move to Oak Park and find a man who’s okay with that”.

The real epiphany happened when I read #4: Be prepared for the tests.

When I was first manifesting a partner, I was surprised to see how many ex-lovers started to roll into my life. It took me off my game for a while because I saw the arrival of old lovers as a sign. Maybe they were ready! Or maybe I was being tested.

[…] The universe will test us with the proverbial carrot to test our resolve. Are we fully rooted in our worth and not willing to settle for less than what we know we deserve? Do we want a partner more than we want the self-respect of fully intact self-worth? Are we willing to settle for less?

Remember that one time I put it out into the universe that I was done dating and ready to just live my life? I deleted all of my dating apps. I focused on working and buying a condo.

The universe heard me and laughed. First, it sent me an invitation to The League. Then every ex I’ve ever had (okay, only three, but still) came out of the woodwork.

I received a text last month with a screenshot of my photo from Bumble in 2016 from a mystery number. When I asked who it was, he played a game and then said it was Rich. Oh Rich! The guy I dated a few years ago in a great social experiment on Match. That same guy messaged me a few months ago and asked me to hang out again. We made a plan. He cancelled said plan at the last minute. Never texted me again…until he asked if “Fate?” had brought us together…on a dating app I hadn’t been on in over a year. He asked me to go out again. I obliged. He never texted me again. I blocked him every which way.

Ex #2 texted me after seeing a photo of my new yoga class to see if he could come as long as I didn’t hate him anymore. A. I never hated him. B. Um, sure, I haven’t seen or heard from you in months, but yes, come to my yoga class (which he didn’t). He then asked if I wanted to “get together to talk about what happened” at the end of our courtship this summer (which I didn’t).

Then, there’s the farmer. He came to a yoga class of mine in June. We met up for a drink in October. We watched a movie in December. He came to my class – after arriving late – in January, then promptly left 10 minutes before class officially ended. Every time, we see each other for a couple of hours. No hanky panky. No feelings of impending love. That last time, though, was the kicker – the kick-er to the curb.

So, universe. I heard you and I hear you. You fleetingly sent exes my way. They disappeared into the night. I won’t give up hope on finding a mate, but I will stop responding to texts from my exes.

And I will keep kicking ass on these tests. Until they’re over and #5: Be ready to receive. is the last thing in my way to manifesting a great relationship.