Dating

I Finally Have a Life!

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When I met my ex-boyfriend, I’d been in Chicago a mere 10 weeks. I’d made no new friends in the city, had no hobbies, and it was freezing outside. So when we met, it was easy to fall in love – I had no distractions. I’d work all day, then see him. Maybe I’d go to yoga when he was busy. Or dwindle down my DVR list. Henceforth a fixation with my then-boyfriend began. We did everything together. I could barely function on my own. Another hitch was the fact that my living situation was a nightmare from bully hell. I couldn’t stand being at home so his home became my home. You know where I’m going with this, right? Down a dirty, stinky (albeit short) path. One of the reasons the relationship ended was because I never thrived as myself. I came into and went out of that relationship with no friends and no hobbies (though the weather was warmer).

Since then I’ve been obsessed with finding hobbies and volunteer opportunities. I take salsa lessons, I’m a Big Sister, I joined a junior board for Mikva Challenge, became an advisor for my college sorority and found a new writing gig. And I’m happy. Really happy with where my life is.

A part (sometimes small, sometimes ginormous) focuses on finding a mate or wondering why I can’t find one. That this one piece is all I have left of total and complete happiness. But what if I don’t find that? Can’t it be just ok to be involved in so many fun and cool activities? To love the friends I’ve made since the breakup (and, of course, the ones I had before it)? Maybe it’s best to just stop trying so hard to date and start really living my life. The first step is to delete 2 out of the 3 dating apps on my phone. The next step is to put my phone away at work. If I’m going to obsess over anything, it should be my job, my friends, my family, and the life I choose to lead. So sayonara dating apps and the creepy boys on them, and hello to new possibilities in my real life!

Dating

Game Player (and I ain’t talking video games…)

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On a recent Saturday night, my roommate and I were out at a neighborhood bar when in waltzes my ex-boyfriend, blonde-haired girl in tow. I have absolutely zero feelings for him, so the more my roommate and I drank, the more obnoxious we became at watching them. After a couple of drinks, he led her to the dance floor where a smooch-fest ensued, eventually leading to them walking out hand-in-hand.

Flashback to February 2013 – it’s our second date and we have a few drinks at a bar, make out on the dance floor followed by us taking the same cab home (no, we didn’t sleep together, that much I can promise you…). Besides the annoying ex-girlfriend gawking at us, these two situations played out in exactly the same way: drinks, dancing, kissing, and my ex leading a girl out the door.

Obviously, I have no idea where they ended up and it’s none of my business, but I was slightly shell-shocked as this scenario took place. All along, I thought I was special. That the magical feeling I had on the dance floor with him was something unique; I honestly thought it was the first time I knew that someday I’d love this boy. Yet here he was a year and a half later, acting exactly as he had with me.

So is this his game?  Continue reading Game Player (and I ain’t talking video games…) →

Travel

Cayman Islands: Weekend in Paradise

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The Cayman (K-Mon) Islands are absolutely stunning; with turquoise waters and hot temperatures, it’s paradise. My friend Kim from Hong Kong is working there for two months so she invited me to visit. Since it’s only a few hours and a few hundred dollar flight, I was in! While on the trip, I realized a few things about myself and re-realized a few more:

  • I love fall, but summer weather is amazing. On Facebook, everyone’s photos from back home showed them in boots and coats while I was frolicking in a swimsuit, flip flops and shorts. Tears nearly fell in my last minutes in a swimsuit.
  •  Traveling when your accommodation is free is the best idea ever. Such a money saver! I got four nights in a hotel suite complete with a pool and a 2-minute walk to the beach for free! Also, two of our dinners were paid for by Kim’s coworkers. Nothing was cheap in Cayman so I saved myself another hundred dollars by eating with them!
  •  With a good book or magazine, I can hang out by the pool, lounge at the beach or sit in an airplane/airport for hours on end. This trip was accompanied by an old Cosmo and my book club book called Love with a Chance of Drowning. Both of which were entertaining and perfect beach reads. (I recommend the book, by the way, I just haven’t told my book club that yet!)

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Dating

My Date with a Podcaster

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On a recent trip home, my family got together at my grandparents’ house. One kooky aunt of mine (come to think of it, they’re all pretty kooky…) asked me if I was single. I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times at family affairs, but her response was a first: “That’s great!” she said. “Do I have a proposition for you!”

My aunt proceeded to explain to me that she loves a certain podcast and has been listening to it since the ’70s. (And no, readers, I will not share with you the name of the podcast…) Recently, a new podcaster joined the list of shows on the roster and she adored him. He was funny and told about the woes of being a single guy in Chicago. After hearing these stories, my aunt decided to do some research – what was his last name? Was he cute? What was his email address?

This is where I come in…”Yes, Aunt Sherry, I’m single.” After hearing her story and having previously vowed to never turn down a crazy situation (which almost always leads to a crazy story for the blog), I agreed to let her send the podcaster my email address and short bio, then send it off to the podcaster in hopes that he’d respond and henceforth take me on a date so we’d fall in love, her then being credited with me finally getting married. Okay, she probably didn’t think that far in advance, but here’s what she wrote:

[Podcaster]:

[Please don’t read this email on the podcast and please don’t think I’m nuts.]

I am a happy charter subscriber and faithful listener to both the [blank] Show and the [blank] podcast (I’ve been listening to [your host] since the 1970s).  You are hilarious on both.  It seems like [your host] is letting you talk more; it makes the show funnier. Both shows brighten my days.

What I’ve gleaned over the years is that you are a really good, kind-hearted person. I truly wish the best for you. You’ve mentioned in the last few months that you are looking to meet fun and attractive women. My niece, Ashley, is not in a relationship, is 30 years old, has not been married, and has no children. She lives in Logan Square and works in Chicago. She’s beautiful, outgoing, fun-loving, friendly, and genuine. Ashley is a former elementary school teacher who has a master’s degree, loves living in Chicago, and enjoys travel. Her photo is attached.

On the podcast recently you made fun of the woman who, at the Cubs game, tried to set you up with her daughter. This email is not in response to that. I’ve had this idea for months and finally asked Ashley if emailing you is OK. She said it is and would be happy to meet you. If you would like, you can contact her at autumnamc@gmail.com.

Sincerely,

Sherry

My favorite parts of this email include:

1. The first line! Haha!!

2. My email address is wrong.

The podcaster did respond to my aunt who then forwarded me the emails where I saw the incorrect email address. I decided to take fate into my own hands and email Mr. Podcaster myself. What have I to lose? An evening with a good story in the end??

The Podcaster emailed me back and asked me to get drinks. We’re going…tonight…report to come!

A few hours later…

I went on a very nice date with the podcaster, but we didn’t have very much in common. He was nice and had a good sense of humor, but we didn’t have much else to talk about besides the pleasantries of a first date. I wish there was some grand climax to this story right now, but really the highlight came in that awesome email that my aunt sent. Sorry, Aunt Sherry, there won’t be a love connection on this one, but thanks for trying!!

Travel

Camping in the UK

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Have I told you before that I love my job?? I mean, seriously, how many jobs send you to England to sightsee in London and go camping for 11 days?!

With 8 high school girls and 2 other adults, we started our adventure in London. We went nonstop visiting Abbey Road, the Tower of London, the London Eye, and Buckingham Palace, as well as a hop on/hop off bus tour seeing many of the other sites.

A mere 46 hours after landing at Heathrow, we took public transport to Windsor where we were meeting 8,000 – yes, that’s right, eight thousand people from 40 countries for a camping expedition called WINGS 2014! There were about 1,000 volunteer staff members, 1,500 leaders and 5,000 scouts. In the UK, Scouting is a coed organization, so there were both males and females camping at Great Windsor Park – a massive park down the street from Windsor Castle, home of the Queen. Both Scouts (the coed version, which partakes in many activities like Boy Scouts of America) and Girl Guides/Scouts could be found at WINGS.

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Dating

Ghosting

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Ghosting (verb): when a man completely stops talking to someone he met online, texted with, gone on a date with, slept with, or dated for an extended period of time. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the ghoster alone, as opposed to the ghoster simply telling them he is no longer interested. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting her feelings, but it in fact proves the ghoster is thinking more of himself, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he felt.

Synonyms: douchebagging, vanishing into thin air, poof!

Example: Friend: How was your second date with Kyle?
Ashley: I thought it went well, but I’ve texted him a couple of times since then and he’s been ghosting me.

Continue reading Ghosting →

Taking Chicagoland by storm…one date, one yoga class, one salsa lesson, one blog post, one trip, one drink, one meal, one new friendship at a time.