Dating

MFIOD, P2*

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*Translation: My Foray Into Online Dating, Part Two

Date #4 was with a TV editor. Because it’s a small world after all, he was born and raised in Ottawa, IL! Definitely up on his English grammar, this guy could write well and even used capital letters! We had good chat and he paid for dinner, which in my book is a W. I was held back, though, by the fact that he could be gay. He was wearing a parka with a faux fur hood (sorry if you’re straight and you own one), leather gloves, and gave the rice bowl a tighter hug than he did me at the end of the date. We left with no future plans, but I would’ve seen him again if the opportunity had presented itself…especially if it presented itself in the plane that he flies. (Update: two weeks after the date and no word. I’m not fussed; I like bear hugs and cuddling anyway.)

 

Date #5 must be related to #3 – they both cancel at the last minute. This guy claimed he was sick and wanted to reschedule for the following week. My week’s busy, so he might not make the cut. You might be a comedian, but it ain’t funny to cancel 3 hours before a date. (Update: he texted me two weeks later; but no plans to hang out)

 

Date #6 is going to hate me for this because he’s read my blog and anxiously awaits his report card, but all I’ll say is that the date was good enough for a second date with the same guy…now that only took six guys’ phone numbers and numerous stupid douchebags’ messages to find! (Update: the second date was fun – went to a yummy Italian place and watched a blue grass band – but dropped it to friend zone. I’m searching for that spark with someone to make continuing to date him worth it.)

 

Date #7 is from Ecuador, only having lived in the US since college when he learned to speak English. He has a cute accent, but then again, aren’t most accents hottt? (An aside, I miss you British boys and your dreamy lilt.) He talked a lot, probably because I’m a good prompter so as to get the attention off of me. A kiss on the cheek sent me off, with a text the next day asking for another date. Bonus: our children would be bilingual…oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t admit that as an attraction after one date?? (Update: we had plans on Friday night at a “hipster lounge with a DJ,” all I’ll say is great enough for date #3 this week!)

 

Date #8…Two facts: swing dancer and works for a placed called Nerdery = ‘nuff said? No? You’d like to hear more, you say? Two more facts: he took me to a pancake house for dinner (ate the bacon waffle, mmm, sooo good) and said I had a good complexion. Still want more? He was nice, he was funny, he was awkward, he walked me home, he didn’t even try to kiss me at the door. Overall, C+ kinda date. (Update: there have been no more exchange of texts, guess we both got the hint.)

 

Date #9 was full of good ol’ fashioned banter. We discussed dates we’d been on, dating in general, and online dating – see a theme, here? Besides the piece of spinach that got caught in his teeth (I mean, seriously, how do you tell someone you’ve only just met that he has food in his teeth?!), it was a fairly good date. We have potential plans for a dinner date next week. He swears that if by date 4 with him, I’m not in love, then it won’t work out. Suspiciously…intriguing??

Stats: 1 month, 9 potentials, 2 cancels, 7 first dates, 2 second dates, no love…yet

 

If you want to read about Dates #1-3, click here: http://newcitylifeadventure.tumblr.com/post/40428279845/my-foray-into-online-dating

Dating

Grammar Police

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I am a stickler for good grammar and spelling. Whether it’s on Facebook, in an email, a text, and especially on dating sites, if your grammar and spelling suck, I’m judging. Maybe that’s unfair, but 6 years as a teacher, 5 of which were teaching the basics of the English language, and 1.5 years as an editor have made me the grammar police. That being said, reading online profiles and messages from adults can be traumatizing to my inner English snob. To help the guys hoping to woo me over the Internet, here’s a list of some grammar must-haves.

5 ways to win over an editor and former third grade teacher:

1. I is always spelled with a capital letter when you’re referring to oneself or me. It is never i’m, ever.

2. Homophones are tricky words to spell; I taught third grade so, believe me, I know. But basic knowledge of your v. you’re and to, too, and two is a rite of passage…from elementary school. And for the love of god, some is never spelled sum unless you’re doing some addition.

3. Emails are not typically formal on dating sites, but it never hurts to add a salutation and/or closing. All the adults are doing it.

4. Complete sentences are a must. If your third grade teacher let you pass onto fourth grade, this is definitely a lesson you’ve encountered. Subject + predicate = complete sentence!

5. Periods, capitals, and grade school spelling are all a basic life lesson. Use them wisely and all the time.

I wrote this piece a few weeks ago when I was frustrated with the lack of elementary knowledge in the online messages I’d received. Having recently dug it up, I’m appalled that I needed to write this; I had the same expectations from nine-year-olds, so isn’t it ridiculous that I need to tell an adult to do the same things?

Dating

What?! Only Three??

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When girls get together, we talk about boys; it’s inevitable, even only when we’ve just met one another. At a recent alumnae Kappa brunch (which, on a side note, I’m psyched about finding – new friends, new restaurants!), a girl mentioned a book she was reading about relationships. In the grand scheme of finding a partner, you can’t be too picky, it states. Instead, choose a top three that you just can’t live without.

This teensy list is hard to do because every time I meet a guy, another thing I “just can’t stand” gets added to my list. Chews with his mouth open? No-no. Fidgets like he’s missing his meth? Buh-bye. Wears sneakers on a first date? Don’t call me again! By now, my ever-growing list has become an eyesore and a brain-sore. Maybe the fidgeter who wore white socks and dress shoes was really funny and intelligent, but I just couldn’t get past the glaring white beneath the table.

If I continue to live this way, I’ll end up with a ridiculous amount of particulars and single. Lists don’t cuddle very well or buy me fancy dinners. That means no more hard-nosed judging, only open-mindedness. So what are the three things I just can’t live without? Hell, I don’t know! Who can only pick three things to like about a guy! So, here’s my list that I can whittle down at a later date:

1.    Attractive – I don’t care that I put it as #1, this shit is important! If I don’t want to suck your face at the end of the first date, then I certainly will not want to go any further every day for the rest of my life. I won’t get too particular here, though, because I don’t necessarily prefer blondes over brunettes, 7 foot tall or 5 foot 8, muscular vs. hipster skinny.

2.    Chemistry – Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Sparks usually occur within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone, but if it’s true chemistry, the sparks will last through the entire first date, continuing through the first make-out sess, and into every date thereafter. That includes the thrill of hearing the ding of a text message and the anticipation before each date.

3.    Affable – It’s true, that if you aren’t nice to me, my dad, my brother, my 27 uncles, and my niece will all kick your ass. But, that’s not really what I mean here. True gentlemen open the door, pay for the first date, and offer to hold to your purse. All kidding aside since this isn’t Hong Kong, what I really mean is that guys I date need to be socially aware, nice to waiters, smile when others talk to them, etc.  Affable guys are happy and polite.

4.    Good sense of humor – I like to laugh (don’t we all??), so if you aren’t funny, then you aren’t getting any. I’m a pretty easy laugh, but I don’t do corny and I don’t do stupid. Sarcasm is gold in my book, so if you can use your wit, gold star for you!

5.    Cultured – I’ve traveled the world and I need a man who’s seen more than just the Midwest. Cornfields are great and all, but a passport is better. You don’t have to have been to 20 countries or even outside of the U.S…er…North America, okay, even if you’ve only left once…to another continent. It’s important to me that the guy I’m with is accepting of others that are different than him and understand that America may be the land of the beautiful, but that even more beautiful things lie outside of these boundaries. Part of being cultured is being intelligent and non-judgmental.

Now, these top 5 are purposely vague so as to be open to interpretation by my psyche when I meet a guy. This list isn’t that hard to accomplish, but when you add in the 100 other things I’m judging every guy on, then it’s no freakin’ wonder I’m single. Okay, I’m working on that! Top 5 – boom!

Dating

My Foray into Online Dating

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Part One (it’s only been 2 weeks, and I’m sure there are more adventures to come after this posting)

Except for first dates (because those make me want to throw up), I in general like dating. Getting to know someone, talking a lot about yourself, and going to free dinners are all bonuses to dating. Since I’m new to Chicago, I decided that I needed to get myself out there in the dating world. I’m sick of meeting guys at the bar – I know, I know, I drink, too, so it’s not that strange to meet a “normal” guy at a bar, but every guy I’ve met at a bar has a commitment-phobia that I like to call “scared to sleep with only one person”.

So, in the spirit of trying new things, I recently went on a Grouper – it’s an online dating service where, based off of your Facebook profile, you’re set up on a date with someone. You bring friends, they bring friends, and it’s a group date (get it? grouper?). The average age of the guys was 23 and they still had peach fuzz on their chins; the average age of us girls was 30. You can guess where that ended up! Well, actually, you probably can’t… They paid for our drinks, then ditched us, not meeting us at the next bar that they asked us to go to. I’m sure they got a riotous laugh all the way to their mom and dad’s house.

A couple of girlfriends and I went to a singles’ mixer, and ended up meeting two cool girls who we spent the night eating dinner and laughing with over the quality of guys in attendance. Oh, and I also flirted it up with the bartender who was left my number on a coaster – and not by me. He texted, I didn’t meet up with him because I was nervous, ugh. I also considered speed dating, but freaked out and signed up too late, so instead ended up on a waiting list, got off said list, and didn’t try to get in. I was scared, what can I say?!

So…that leaves me with the very brave act of making myself a profile on OKCupid (and, no, you cannot find out my username). It’s actually been fun not responding to idiots who write things like:

*hello, you are such a beautiful woman….how come you are not taken? I spilled my cup of Coffee on my laptop just because I was taking a closer look on your pics…..lol….well i got it dried anyway.. How are you doing??? In a relationship what matters most is a true and honest man who will treat you right. I seek my soul mate, i am ready to treat you as my queen and princess, be your knight in shinning amor…My name is Denis Maillet, I am a very God fearing man and needs a woman as such that is why I contacted you no matter the distance between us, God will bring our heart desire to past. I am man who has dedicated his life in helping people who are in need and doing charity.Hope to hear from you

*Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back. You have beautiful eyes:)

Needless to say, these freaks did not get a message in return. I did, however, exchange numbers and have a couple of dates already:

Date #1: A nice, home-grown kinda guy. Lives 15 minutes from his parents and has only ever been to Mexico and beach resorts. He was polite and we had a good enough chat, but in the end, he was entirely too white bread for me. When I explained where Korea was, he said, “Oh yea, the Vietnam War!”

Date #2: A construction worker with a child. I’m not wholly opposed to dating guys with kids because I’m nearing 30, but if you’re not the whole package, it isn’t worth it to me. He fidgeted a lot and I’m guessing that’s because it was 5:30pm and he was drinking an extra tall coffee. Relax off the caffeine. I texted him afterward telling him that I wasn’t sure we were compatible. He apologized for being a douche.

Date #3: This guy texted me that afternoon and made a plan…2 hours before we were meant to meet up, he cancelled and asked for a rain check. Before almost every first date I have, I try to cancel and think of every excuse not to go on the date. I’m guessing he did the same, but I’m also assuming that I’ll never meet him in person to find out since he didn’t ask for another day.

Dates 4 and 5 are this week, so fingers crossed for no disasters and that I can actually meet a quality guy that I want to date. And, if he can be a traveler who’s smart and can spell that would be a plus.

Living Life and Yoga, Too

Oh, the Things You Do for your Spiritual Self

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After going to the yoga retreat in India this past spring, my love affair with all things strange, yogic, and spiritual began. Most recently, I forayed into the potentially loony-bin-type-crazy events, including a guided meditation replete with a gold cleansing, a sound bath with Tibetan singing bowls and a gong, as well as an urban purification sweat lodge. While reading the descriptions of all three, I was certainly intrigued, though left feeling each event slightly empty of some emotion that I was unintentionally seeking. I wanted there to be a breakthrough, an aha! you’ve touched your Divine Self, a “you are finally spiritual” awakening. That has yet to happen, but I certainly am glad I’m trying and enjoy that I’m doing something different. On another positive note, I left all three of these feeling more open-minded, more relaxed, and like karma is on my side.

Guided Meditation with a Gold Cleansing

It was a Sunday morning, after a rather teary Saturday night in. I was being a total girl, worrying about a silly boy. With tears still in my system, I decided that a meditation session would be a great way to cleanse myself of bad boy-juju. After about 50 minutes of guided visual meditation, including blowing up roses aka emotions and bad energy, the facilitator decided that he wanted to cleanse my aura and bring me gold light. He could sense my negative energy when I arrived (he was right), so without touching me, he sent positive light to me. That included wiping away the negative, and sending in the positive. Cooky, I know, but it was nice to be noticed and it’s the thought that counts, right?

Sound Bath with Tibetan Singing Bowls and a Gong

A time to purify yourself, students lie on their mat with their feet facing away from the instruments so that negative energy leaves the body through the feet. For over an hour, the artist played the bowls and a gong – seriously, who knew that the gong could make so many different sounds?! It was rather relaxing, but I found myself too out-of-tune with what was supposed to be happening. My mind kept jumping around and not allowing itself to be overcome by the sounds. When the gong was really loud, though, I could feel the vibrations passing through my body, and I’m pretty sure that’s how it was meant to feel the entire time – the bad shit leaving through the feet. While I only really gleaned 5 minutes of cleansing, I did get in a nice rest and relaxation time, so it wasn’t a total bust.

Urban Purification Sweat Lodge

Facilitated by a student of a Native American “grandfather,” this sweat lodge was the city version of an Indian sweat lodge. Butterfly Woman, our guide, walked us through what a traditional experience would be like, including sharing our intentions, as well as prayers for ourselves and others. Again, this was a chance to purify our energies and obtain positive light within ourselves. With the lights off, sitting in a sauna, 8 women passed around a turkey wing (haha, yes, a turkey wing; it’s meant to symbolize the attunement with Mother Nature) and shared what we wanted for our life, our loved ones, and for the world. It was very ritualistic and it felt good to say out loud everything I desire for the upcoming year, and the hopes I have for my family and friends. If your nose itched last night, that might mean I was thinking about you and sending positive energy your way.

At the sake of sounding like a madwoman, I’m quite glad I’m opening myself to new things and trying stuff I would’ve never done before. I had a few self-awakenings during yoga teacher training, and I’m sure that more will come with more practice and when I find the right guru or medium to get me there.

Dating

Confession: I am a Dating Dumb-Dumb

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I graduated in the top 10% of my high school graduating class, cum laude from undergrad, and with a 4.0 in my Masters. But this post isn’t one bragging about my accolades, it’s actually quite the opposite…I may be smart in school, but I am dumb when it comes to guys. I’ve dated cheaters, hillbillies, heartbreakers, and liars. I’ve also dated nice guys, of course, but no matter who they are, I suck at dating them. I get jealous, I worry that I’m not good enough, and I want attention that they’re not willing to give (and not in the attention whore kinda way). 

Hence one of my New Year’s resolutions: chill the f*ck out. My brain is running on constant mode, which means I analyze every situation with a guy. Will he call? Does he like me? Am I being too overbearing? Why hasn’t he drawn me a picture in Draw Something?? 

This is why my friends tell me to date multiple guys at a time. You can’t fret as much about multiple guys because you won’t have the time. My theory is a bit different: when I find the right guy, I won’t need to fret because he will call, he will show that he likes me, and he will draw me pictures. This guy doesn’t have to be Mr. Right but should be the right guy for right now. 

Now, the trick is finding this “right” guy. In the past, I’ve met guys at bars and through friends…I’m still single, so you can see where that got me. But because both of these methods are the “traditional” way people meet, I’m still willing to try. Online dating is also still going strong out there in the world, but that makes me nervous and I hate picking out profile pictures. Also, paying to find a date is against my moral code (for this month anyway). 

I want it to be easy. (While looking toward the sky)…please let someone fall in my lap who likes my quirky style, the fact that I’ll blog about him, and will wash dishes. 

I read an article once where a girl interviewed all of her exes to see why she wasn’t “marrying material.”  She was surprised to find out that all of the reasons why she thought they’d broken up were vastly different than the reasons the guys had thought. After reading that, I’ve always wondered what my exes would say. First, I have most of them on Facebook, so a simple message of “mind meeting up to tell me why I sucked?” would be in order. Then, the grueling question and answer sessions would follow. I’d cringe, probably cry, and hopefully learn a lesson or two. With said lessons, I’d be prepared for what I need to do differently next time, for the “right guy.” 

But, until I get the courage to email every ex I’ve ever had, I’ll stick to winking at bartenders over martinis, rubbing elbows with hotties on the train, and looking toward the sky praying a good one will fall down on me.

Taking Chicagoland by storm…one date, one yoga class, one salsa lesson, one blog post, one trip, one drink, one meal, one new friendship at a time.