I’ve been on a free online dating site hiatus for over 6 weeks and it’s been gloriously freeing. The whole not wasting my time swiping left and right, reading dumb messages, and rolling my eyes at the lack of ingenuity is fantasmo. The only thing is…I haven’t been on a date in 6 weeks. I am officially the most single (the singlest?) I’ve ever been.
I’ve been stuck behind a computer screen for so long, that I’m a real life Bambi on ice.
Continue reading I’m a Real Life Bambi on Ice
It took me 2.5 years of riding the free online dating roller coaster to realize that it’s time to get off, that maybe I shouldn’t have been on it for so long. Somehow this roller coaster has mostly been downs, without a lot of inclines. Somehow this roller coaster was never-ending; I didn’t once step off it. It slowed down to pick up passengers and to let them off quickly thereafter, but in 2.5 years I personally never disembarked. Instead, that stomach-in-your-throat, scream-‘til-it-hurts feeling prevailed. Until January 26. This is the day I decided to take a real break from free online dating sites and apps. The more I’ve analyzed this decision, the more I’ve realized that I made the absolute right choice. Never again shall a free dating app be brought up in my phone’s App Store.
Nearly every single man I’ve met online and I were misaligned. Not because we were incompatible (because sometimes we were), but because we were inherently very different people wanting very different things. I am an old soul, an old-fashioned girl who wants to get married and have a family. I’ve wanted it from the time I was 20. There’s no need to mess about and date many men, I just want one. The guys I meet online are not the same. They’re okay with modern dating, defined, I’ve recently discovered, to mean dating multiple people at the same time; to let our roller coasters run concurrently for a brief moment in time while 2 or 4 or 8 other girls’ coasters tag along. That isn’t me. And it never will be.
And while it took me a while to get off the tracks, I’m glad I am finally free of the twists and turns. I do so with a little trepidation that maybe I’m making a big mistake and my one true love is in fact waiting for me on Tinder because where else could I find him?! Though probably not because a man who wants to date three girls at the same time, isn’t the man for me.
You probably won’t believe me when I say I’m planning to take another break from online dating. And if you’re in the 10% of readers who do, you most likely don’t believe I can actually do it…for the full month…of February. Yes, I realize that February is only 28 days, so it’s a little bit of a cheat, but this go-around I’m going to be much more intentional about my month off. Last time, I did it on a whim and it wasn’t really thought out; it was more reactionary than reasonable. This time, I’m making my 28 days all about me. Selfish it sounds and selfish it’ll be because I truly believe that the only way I’m going to be wholly attractive to a catch-worthy guy is by being wholly catch-worthy myself.
This will be a month of self-reflection and improvement filled with yoga, salsa, Spanish, volunteering, being with friends and family, reading new books (totally love that I just downloaded Goodreads by the way!), and writing. I’ll throw in a little Twitter, listening to podcasts, and reading travel blogs and Instagrams for when I need to be mindless. And to get the attention we all crave, I’ll keep up more with friends and family; I plan to call my grandparents, too!
When I lived in Hong Kong, I was really, really happy and it made me more attractive to people. Every date I went on was with a guy I met in real life. My soul was happy and that radiated from me. My soul isn’t nearly as happy in Chicago, so I want to work on that this month. February is all about loving me!
I was listening to my new favorite podcast, Invisibilia, and an awesome formula was given in this week’s episode: Fear = Thinking + Time. I fear being alone forever. I fear never having the family I desire. But do I need to be fearful? Or should I be proactive? So instead of giving myself the time to dwell over men on online dating sites, I’m going to give myself the time to think about other way, way more important things. Take away the over-thinking and the time to do it, and maybe I won’t be so afraid anymore. Maybe my soul will be happy again!
I fully admitted over a month ago that I was forming an unhealthy obsession with online dating and wanted to take a one-month break from the dating devil. Here’s what’s happened in the last 30 days:
Day 1 : I’m going through online-dating-withdrawals. It’s been less than a week since the last guy and I broke it off and I’m already jonesin’ for a date. Facebook had an ad for 70% off eHarmony. It’s the only dating site I haven’t conquered; I almost caved. Alas, I texted girlfriends instead and made dinner plans for Tuesday. Otherwise, my week is completely blank after work which means lots of yoga and a salsa night. Maybe I should get back on meetup.com to see if there’s anything going on out there in the world.
Day 3 : Started a list of ideas for a new blog – how to meet guys in real life. I asked my friends for their ideas, not only because I need their ideas, but because I need their ideas, if you know what I’m saying.
Continue reading Dating Hiatus – The Result
I’m going cold turkey…with online dating. Whenever I’m not dating someone, I’m dating my phone. I haven’t taken a break from dating – a real break – since, well, years! So today I declare that I will be one month free of online dating. That might not sound like a lot to you married and/or in love folks, but trust me, us single ones in 2014 have found out that online dating is our lifeblood. It’s our connection to the opposite sex, maybe our one true chance at true love.
What are you going to do with yourself? you might ask. I’m going to do me. So that means more yoga, reading, volunteering, salsa dancing and starting up my Spanish again. I’m also really excited to look at places in Latin America to learn Spanish in December next year. Most importantly, I need to work on my positivity and happiness. As the saying (sorta) goes: men can’t buy you happiness.
So single friends, who’s up for the challenge?? I think a big celebratory dinner is in order at the end of this month…before we get online again after one month and one minute 😀
Oh and if I do end up meeting someone in real life to go on a date with, even better! This is a hiatus from online dating, not real life connections.
When I met my ex-boyfriend, I’d been in Chicago a mere 10 weeks. I’d made no new friends in the city, had no hobbies, and it was freezing outside. So when we met, it was easy to fall in love – I had no distractions. I’d work all day, then see him. Maybe I’d go to yoga when he was busy. Or dwindle down my DVR list. Henceforth a fixation with my then-boyfriend began. We did everything together. I could barely function on my own. Another hitch was the fact that my living situation was a nightmare from bully hell. I couldn’t stand being at home so his home became my home. You know where I’m going with this, right? Down a dirty, stinky (albeit short) path. One of the reasons the relationship ended was because I never thrived as myself. I came into and went out of that relationship with no friends and no hobbies (though the weather was warmer).
Since then I’ve been obsessed with finding hobbies and volunteer opportunities. I take salsa lessons, I’m a Big Sister, I joined a junior board for Mikva Challenge, became an advisor for my college sorority and found a new writing gig. And I’m happy. Really happy with where my life is.
A part (sometimes small, sometimes ginormous) focuses on finding a mate or wondering why I can’t find one. That this one piece is all I have left of total and complete happiness. But what if I don’t find that? Can’t it be just ok to be involved in so many fun and cool activities? To love the friends I’ve made since the breakup (and, of course, the ones I had before it)? Maybe it’s best to just stop trying so hard to date and start really living my life. The first step is to delete 2 out of the 3 dating apps on my phone. The next step is to put my phone away at work. If I’m going to obsess over anything, it should be my job, my friends, my family, and the life I choose to lead. So sayonara dating apps and the creepy boys on them, and hello to new possibilities in my real life!