Tag Archives: onlinedating

All the Picky Ladies

As a single, unmarried 30 year old, I often wonder why I haven’t found “the one”. Is it because I haven’t encountered the right guy for me? Maybe fate wanted me to be a writer voicing my dating saga for other single ladies to commiserate with. Or maybe, I’m just too darn picky. I don’t want to settle for just anyone, so I feel like I’m simply looking out for my best interests, but in the light of day this looks eerily similar to being far too picky. 

As evidenced in my last blog post, I have oodles of fish from which to choose. A friend texted after reading said post and said, “Wow, you are being fussy!” But is it fussy, or is it choosy? Isn’t it good to have criteria instead wasting my time with every lazy dude who just types “hi ;)”?

Many of my girlfriends say (and I’m guilty, too, of course) that it’s easy to pick one thing about a guy that immediately turns them off. Drunk dials? Goodbye! Doesn’t know modern trivia? Adios! Bad at texting? See ya!

These may be silly (though true) examples, there are plenty of real reasons to ditch a dude that won’t prove you’re picky, but instead tout how smart you really are. So how do you know when you’re being too picky vs. looking out for your best interest?

I don’t quite know the answer to this, but until I find out, I’ll continue to vet through those POF profiles like it’s my job, judge first dates too harshly, and find something wrong with just about every guy. Because isn’t it better to be single than with a guy I don’t like? At least, I’ll keep telling myself that until desperation sets in…

36-Hours of Plenty of Fish

Within a 36-hour span, I received over 30 unsolicited and unrequited messages on POF from random dudes in Chicago. The guys ranged from 25-45 years old, from clean-cut to tattooed and bald, and with all different professions. The only thing they had in common were their awful, awful ability to send thoughtful, intelligent, or witty messages. Here’s a collection of all of the winners (with some Ashley commentary alongside):

  • Hey sexy what’s up with u. (Oh hey, we just met, glad you’re calling me sexy…not!)
  • Hi Ashley (Wow, you found my name – good detective work! Now what else do you got?)
  • Message me back if you want to have a good conversation. (Confident, aren’t we?)
  • HEY HOW ARE U :). (CAPS MAKE IT ALL WORTH IT!)
  • Heyyy (Noooo)
  • Hi (Original, very original)
  • Sounds like you had a fun time traveling and some good stories to go with it.  What was your favorite thing about Southeast Asia?  Im Elias. (Okay, he tried. But I still hate that he forgot the apostrophe.)
  • When I fly home I would love to meet you. (Kinda forward, don’t ya think?!)
  • Hi Ashley, I’m new to the site. Came across your page and you seem like fun & warm person I’d like to get to know. So what are you passionate about?..What brought you to Hong Kong?..What does child event planning entail? Best, Rio (At least it was a real message, but my passion? Not talking to dummies.)
  • Beautiful smile. (Thanks? What now?)
  • Hey. (Same guy 20 minutes later:) Hi. (So glad you can’t remember that you JUST emailed me.)
  • Hello [with a rose emoticon]. (Aw, a rose?! Just for me???)
  • Just stopping to say hey.. Glad to hear your like living in Chicago. Where are you originally from?  You seem like a cool down to earth person. Could I be wrong? Eddie. (Nope, you’re not wrong about that, but you are wrong with your grammar.)
  • Hey, Cute smile! How are you? You definitely caught my eye just seeing if there is a way to catch yours? (Sent 11/29). Hey, Cute smile! How are you? You definitely caught my eye just seeing if there is a way to catch yours? (Sent 12/4 from the same guy). (Wow, dude, you tried really hard to copy-and-paste that sh!t.)
  • Wow. Love ur profile, we need to meet up. (No we dont <— see how I didn’t spell that correctly?)
  • Hey there.  How are you? (I’m good, thanks. Okay, bye!)
  • Hi Ashley, where are you from? I want to visit China one day, seems like it would be fun. (You’d fit right in what that cigarette dangling out of your mouth!)
  • Hello Ashley 😉 (Winks. Jokes.)
  • Hola amiga, how is your evening thus far? (How did you know I’m learning Spanish?!)
  • hey how are u i mray im 34 i know ur in chicago im in south burbs wondering if u like to chat wel lhope to hear from u rsay (ur a terrible speller. dun.)
  • Hi there! And welcome back to Chicago…I’m sure we are glad to have you here. Are you originally from the area? (Thanks! And, we are.)
  • Good morning. My name is Paul. Would you like to talk/chat? That is when you have some free time? (No thanks? I don’t want to chat?)
  • Hello how are you (Yup, another one…)
  • You are kinda really gorgeous 🙂 I would like to get to know you. (“Kinda really”? I guess I’ll take it.)
  • you seem cool from your profile, pretty down to earth. What nationality are you? (How do I answer that? Scandinavian? American?)
  • So adorable! Feel free to message me anytime you wish. (I don’t wish.)
  • Hey what’s up (Another boring one for good measure.)
  • Very nice pictures how are you doing today? (I’m good thanks how are you glad to hear it)
  • hey how’s it going? what do you think of this site so far? (Read the last 29 message I got, dude. How do you think it’s going?)
  • Hi, nice smile:) (Nice wink^~) in front of the gym mirror.)
  • Uh oh (My personal favorite that made it in just in the nick of time.)

Grammar Police

I am a stickler for good grammar and spelling. Whether it’s on Facebook, in an email, a text, and especially on dating sites, if your grammar and spelling suck, I’m judging. Maybe that’s unfair, but 6 years as a teacher, 5 of which were teaching the basics of the English language, and 1.5 years as an editor have made me the grammar police. That being said, reading online profiles and messages from adults can be traumatizing to my inner English snob. To help the guys hoping to woo me over the Internet, here’s a list of some grammar must-haves.

5 ways to win over an editor and former third grade teacher:

1. I is always spelled with a capital letter when you’re referring to oneself or me. It is never i’m, ever.

2. Homophones are tricky words to spell; I taught third grade so, believe me, I know. But basic knowledge of your v. you’re and to, too, and two is a rite of passage…from elementary school. And for the love of god, some is never spelled sum unless you’re doing some addition.

3. Emails are not typically formal on dating sites, but it never hurts to add a salutation and/or closing. All the adults are doing it.

4. Complete sentences are a must. If your third grade teacher let you pass onto fourth grade, this is definitely a lesson you’ve encountered. Subject + predicate = complete sentence!

5. Periods, capitals, and grade school spelling are all a basic life lesson. Use them wisely and all the time.

I wrote this piece a few weeks ago when I was frustrated with the lack of elementary knowledge in the online messages I’d received. Having recently dug it up, I’m appalled that I needed to write this; I had the same expectations from nine-year-olds, so isn’t it ridiculous that I need to tell an adult to do the same things?